Make a Joyful Noise

Five times in the Book of Psalms we're told to "make a joyful noise."

   Sing unto the Lord . . . .
   With trumpets
   and sound of cornet
   make a joyful noise
   before the Lord.

(Psalm 98:5-6)

Yes, I think we've got the "noise" part down.  There's a lot of noisiness in the news.  But not much of it is "joyful." 

What's there to be happy about?  The sounds we hear across the world are not chipper (more like, wood chipper).

During the past month, in the midst of writing drafts on the sacrament, the will of God, and the path of perdition (an eclectic bunch of topics, I know; I am whetting your appetite for what's in the pipeline), I wanted to pause and say a few things to uplift our spirits.  It's summertime, and the sun is shining, and we need to feel the sand between our toes, spiritually-speaking.

I am aware some of you recently have held the hand of loved ones in their final hours; others have watched their infant in the NICU hooked up to breathing tubes.  Some of you have wondered what to do about abusive relationships, or how to escape soul-crushing jobs.

Everywhere I turn, I sense bitter dregs and dark nights.  The world has become so heavy.

And so I write to apply a spiritual poultice to our aching hearts.  I share these things as someone who, like you, yearns for a better world.  We are made strong in weakness (2 Cor. 12:9).

I love you and say: "For the hurt of the daughter of my people I am hurt; I am black; astonishment hath taken hold of me" (Jeremiah 8:21).

I feel your hurt and keep you in my prayers.  We are stronger together: our burdens shall not break our backs; God willing, let us square our spiritual shoulders.  God has sent us, His Red Cross, to tend to the wounded on the battlefield.

   Is there no balm in Gilead;
   is there no physician there?

(Jeremiah 8:22)

We have a Healer who has promised that all we've lost shall be found, and all our tears shall water the seeds of celestial fruit.

We have a "High Priest of good things to come" (Heb. 9:11).  I know things are tough, and I expect before the end they shall become tougher.

But tougher than any of them is Jehovah, our jasper, our Jesus.  And don't forget that we, too, are the Lord's onyx and obsidian.

Together we shall see things through.  And along the way, if you're willing to join me, let's make some noise.

   A joyful noise.

Wrong Side of the Tracks

In 1961, the Hollywood Reporter wrote in its review of the film West Side Story that the movie's ending (spoiler alert: Chino shoots Tony after Anita lies to him) was "almost a traumatic experience."

I felt it myself the first time I watched West Side Story in the mid-1980s when I was 8 or 9 years old.

Lying on the family room carpet in front of our old tube TV, I remember when Tony and Maria sang "One Hand, One Heart."  Something stirred within me.

   Make of our hands one hand,
   Make of our hearts one heart.

As a child, I didn't know what I was feeling.  It was bitter-sweet.  The closest thing I can compare it to was homesickness.

When they harmonized at the crescendo, "One hand," and then tenderly, "One heart" . . . the music awakened something in me, a door to a world I didn't know existed, but that I somehow sensed I belonged to.

A world of love.

[Note: I've learned how to share videos!  I am including music clips in this post.  I invite you to listen to these songs I've chosen with the volume turned up.  Put on your headphones; turn on your speakers and allow the Spirit to speak to you through the music.]

The Tongue of Angels

All my life I've sought the lingua franca of the Logos ― a universal language with which to commune with God and His creation.

​That language (the divine tongue) is, of course, love.

But what is love?  Sure, "God is love" ― but what does that really mean?

Love is lyrical: it is Spirit taking shape.  The scriptures compare God's nature to the wind and breath.  All was formless until the light of love entered the void, and spoke.

And that voice! ― the voice that pierced the darkness, even the Word that warmed life into Being, that melted matter in His image, in whose bosom burned the love of the Logos as a pulsar ― that Voice sang!

And what was His song?  How does one describe God's vibrato?  It was as the sound of the rushing of great waters.  His calling was music to our ears.  The Logos, with cupped hands-to-lips, called us to gather round.

And we heard!  And we, His lost lambs, His flickering stars, responded.  We came, bleating and bleeding.  We ran!  We flew; we leapt into His eternal embrace.

And thus we became part of God's Song.  We are part of the symphony sounding His everlasting kindness.  We became His heart-chords, the strings of heaven's harp spreading His love into the nethermost parts of the cosmos, extending His light so that the borders of Outer Darkness recede.

In His love we experience the harmony of heat and wholeness; such is the eternal flame we carry into the coldness of spacetime.  Our Shepherd, the Logos, bears the lodestone of redeeming love, in whose arms all are cradled and rocked and swaddled safely.

Can you hear it?  Can you feel His music wrapping around your spiritual cells?  We are bathed in its love; our DNA spirals towards its light.

God's voice bleeds from our every pore; our bodies resonate to His vocal chords.

What music are we creating with Him?

"A Grief That Can't Be Spoken"

​I will never forget the moment when, at the end of West Side Story, Tony falls into Maria's arms, mortally wounded.

As I watched that scene as a boy, it was if my young heart felt the gunshot itself, and I began to cry.

I was ashamed of my tears, afraid my older sisters would see and mock, so I slid under the coffee table to hide.

There, beneath the table, staring up at the unfinished wood of its underside, trying to conceal the sounds of my sobs, it was as if I had witnessed a side of the world I had not known: the ugly, hurtful, hateful part.

What kind of world was this I had fallen into?  What madness had driven me here, far from the safety of my heavenly home, into a world where people rage and ruin?  What had I gotten myself into?

I pulled my t-shirt over my face as the end credits played (the childlike equivalent, I suppose, of covering my head with ashes), tasting a glimpse of the grief that would grow into adulthood, where, as a pilgrim in this strange land, I sojourn stricken with the sorrow, the memory of Eden a fresh wound.

I long for God's kingdom come.  Where is Zion?  All my life I've wandered, seeking to flee to its peaceful shores, far away from this telestial traffic jam of guns and stock exchanges and human greed.

I often feel like King David who, at a low point in his life, after Nathan censored him for his sins, cried out:

   Deliver me from bloodguiltiness,
   O God, thou God of my salvation:
   and my tongue shall sing aloud
   of thy righteousness.

   O Lord, open thou my lips;
   and my mouth
   shall show forth thy praise.

(Psalm 51:14-15)

What praise have I, here, now ― when the world reeks of inequality and injustice?  What praise, now, when the wicked rule and the faithful mourn?  What praise can we possibly muster when the earth is filled to brim with the stink of mortal sweat staining the Lord's pure creation?

How could God allow it?

O God, I cannot hide my face!  Where is mercy?  Where is jubilee?  Whichever way I turn I behold suffering and heartbreak, poverty and pain.

But this is our lot, to stand as witnesses at the world's ending.

O dear God, how do You hold this pain in Your palms (Isa. 49:16) without clenching your fist?

This is Not a Rehearsal; It's Show Time

God may be the author of love and the giver of light, but it is up to us to articulate His music, to translate His Word, and give phrasing to His voice in sharing His light with those around us ― as we saw from Canadian national treasure, k.d. lang, in the above clip.

A Church without miracles is like a symphony without sound.  We need trombones who can prophesy, clarinets that speak in tongues, and harps with the gift of healing.  Most of all, we need flutes with soaring faith and band instruments to play charity's march.

Musical notation is just symbols on paper.  The scriptures contain words on a page.  We must breathe life into them.  No matter how brilliant the composer, or how great the song, until there is a performer it remains lifeless ink.  We may as well be illiterate if we do not embody the words we read.

God needs pure-hearted musicians; He needs artists who, like Christ, can translate for the Logos, instantiating His love into spacetime, here and now.

As any musician knows, it is far easier to play a piece of music after having heard it performed by another.  Christ gifted us with a masterclass on how to love like the Father.  Our heart has been 'tuned' by His example as the Firstchair.

I cannot overstate how important it was for us to see the Word made flesh, so that we, in the flesh, may become the Word.

Now imagine His voice being amplified by ten, a hundred, a thousand, a million singers in unison, all singing the glory of the Creator.

Christ was never meant to be a Soloist (John 14:12).  Even though He walked the winepress alone, He always intended to attract a company of musicians and singers, a folk band that, having heard Him begin the melody, would take it up on their guitars and play with Him in the greatest Concert this universe has ever seen.

Priesthood Keys as Musical Keys

I was a music major at BYU before I switched over to history; in the beginning I wanted to be a high school music teacher.

Music is a system of relationships and we can learn a lot about the Body of Christ through musical theory. 
​
An octave has 12 possible notes (the chromatic scale), but only seven of them are used in a given "key."​

Now, the important thing to understand is that keys can be transposed: keys unlock the fluidity of frequency.

One of the most exciting things, musically, is when, during a piece, the key changes.  It is exhilarating!  The way keys change is through chord progressions, like the way the earth is transitioning into a paradisiacal state.

Just because the hymn "Come, O Thou King of Kings" is written in the key of G Major, doesn't mean it has to always be played that way.  You could modulate the hymn to any key you wanted, making it higher or lower.

So it is with priesthood keys.  Changing the key changes the music, but it is still recognizable; the Composer's mark remains.  Dispensations are transpositions; any song can be transposed, spiritually-speaking.

We are not complete until we've played around with all the chords (for how else could we become co-composers with God, to create new music, until we've experimented with scales and intervals and rhythm in all their variety?).

The way we usually modulate into a new key is to find a common chord, a pivot chord, that is shared by both key signatures.  This pivot chord can be likened to Christ, who is the bridge between old and new, and the catalyst that prompts us to cross it.

Now watch: what does being a "new" creature really mean?  It means, simply, that we graduate from playing someone else's music to composing new music with God.  Instead of rehashing and recycling and repeating, we create something new: new arrangements and new styles and new possibilities.

Christ's ability to transpose from one glory to another is the essence of Intelligence.

The universe is alive, organic and asymmetrical.  This is illustrated by the "Pythagorean Comma."  The ancient Chinese masters discovered long ago that in 31 Octaves you achieve 53 perfect fifths (what they call Lṻ).  The first five fifths create what we call the Pentatonic Scale.
 
Isn’t it strange, that with all of the correspondences and synchronicities in the cosmos, the system is not wholly coherent?  The universe is comprised of broken symmetry and quantum uncertainty.  God did not design a clock; He birthed a living, growing, evolving creation.

And thus the Lord does not require us to swear allegiance to a single modality.  In fact, quite the contrary: the Lord seems to relish diversity of expression and being-ness.  The greater the differentiation, the broader the love grows; and yet, it never ceases to be part of Him.

For, every instrument has a unique voice.  Think of a trumpet versus a violin playing a High C ― as opposed to that same High C being hit by Italian tenor Luciano Pavarotti at the climax of "Nessun Dorma" (as you watch the clip below, you will find he earns that standing ovation at the end). 

The mystery of God is found in the diversity of operations.  Creativity is at the heart of Creation.  Spiritual gifts and priesthood keys all stem from God, but in their application they evolve in nuanced and surprising ways, becoming infinitely new.

This is why spiritual discernment is paramount.

"To March Into Hell for a Heavenly Cause"

​When I was a senior in high school, the administration asked me to sing at graduation.

I knew what I wanted to perform: one of my favorite songs, "The Impossible Dream" from Man of La Mancha.

   To dream the impossible dream
   To fight the unbeatable foe
   To bear with unbearable sorrow
   To run where the brave dare not go

My grandmother flew in from Oregon to hear me perform at the graduation ceremony.

I was nervous; it was the biggest audience I had ever performed before.  And nothing destroys a singer's breath support quicker than butterflies in the belly.

   And the world will be better for this,
   That one man, scorned and covered with scars,
   Still strove, with his last ounce of courage
   To reach the unreachable star!

As I sang in that arena, looking over a crowd of several thousand people, I found myself singing to, and for, my grandma, as if it were just the two of us.  I knew she didn't care if my voice was perfect; she loved me no matter what I sounded like, regardless of how my performance went.

So it is with Christ.  We are on the stage.  But God is not watching us from the audience: He is next to us, in us.  In a way I do not comprehend, in Gethsemane when He saw His seed, as time stretched before Him, we became one.  We are Him; our suffering is His own.

I don't know how God does it, experiencing all the awful things happening on earth.  I can barely handle my own set of challenges, let alone what is happening in Gaza and Ukraine and Sudan.

At times it is overwhelming.  We yearn for resolution.  I try to remember what Christ taught in the Sermon on the Mount.  He showed us the way.  The way we spiritually resolve tension is by:

   1. Acceptance

Jesus taught us to "resist not evil" (Matt. 5:39).  We cannot change things for the better until we've made peace with things as they are.

Acceptance is the precursor to change, paradoxically.  Only when we truly accept what is, are we able to love it fully.  Then, once love is bestowed unconditionally, can the thing we love grow into something more. 

   2.  Bless the tension

Pray for those who despiteful use us?  Love our enemies?  Yes.  This does not minimize the pain, but hallows it.  It does not erase the wrong, but sanctifies it.  Only from the perspective of blessing (as opposed to judgment and condemnation) can we effect eternal transformation.

   3.  Balance the opposition in oneself

This was Christ's gift, to hold tension in himself without breaking.  He was a healer, yes, but too often we focus on His physical healing ― which was less impressive, really, than the spiritual healing He performed.

We think of Christ curing leprosy as if giving us smooth skin was what mattered: but are we going to be models for Maybelline?

No, the real healing was taking broken minds and hearts and weaving them together with hope and wholeness.

But here's the important part to remember: Christ did not discard the brokenness, or cast aside our heartbreak; instead, He integrated our weakness and imperfection so that our scars become more sacred than unblemished skin.

"Tim," someone says.  "I can forgive them for what they did, but I cannot accept it.  I will not condone it.  I will never bless it."

Okay.  Or, we can try it Christ's way.  How did He reconcile evil?  How did He bring beauty from ashes?  How?  Therein is the solution we seek.

Jesus did not find everlasting peace through animal sacrifice; not by following carnal commandments; certainly not by sacrificing a million bulls or observing a million feasts.

Christ brought peace unlike the world by loving the Father and loving us.  Purely.  Infinitely.  Eternally.

​Zion will not come from converting people away from Islam or by legislating transgender policy or by getting everyone to attend the temple.  Zion will come when we learn to love like Christ.  Period.
​
So if you're crazy enough to love like God, then you just might be crazy enough to dream the impossible dream.

And if you dream the impossible dream with me, and with God, then maybe we just might find there is a place for us, somewhere a place for us, with peace and quiet and open air.

   Somewhere.

Five Years!

Recently I celebrated my birthday and my teenage daughter gave me a handmade birthday card that said, in bold purple marker:

"Congrats!  You're not dead yet!"

That says it all.  I'm not dead!  What can top being alive?  Carpe diem.  I have such dreams for my next chapter.

As we celebrate five years of Owl of the Desert, I thank God for being alive, at this particular time in history, on this journey with you. The horizon holds untold wonders (D&C 133:45).

Owl of the Desert has been my love song to God (Alma 5:26).  Through it I have been blessed to connect with you, my spiritual family, for whom I am eternally grateful.

I feel to exclaim as Ammon, "My heart is brim with joy" (Alma 26:11).  It makes me emotional ― as when Jesus declared His joy was full, and wept (3 Ne. 17:20-21).

Miracles have led us here.  I've learned many lessons over the past five years.  I am not the same man I was when I began blogging.

As Heraclitus said, "No man ever steps in the same river twice: for it's not the same water and he's not the same man."

I could not be the man I am without the love of my family and friends.  I want to take a moment and express my thanks to my wife and children, who in the lottery before this life must have drawn the short-straw to be tasked with rounding my rough edges and tolerating my flights of fancy.  You are Godsent.

Also my thanks to my spiritual mentor and brother, Clark Burt, whose wisdom and advice have kept me grounded while I have been prone to wander in the clouds of God's mysteries.  Bless you and Annie, now and forever.

And to my parents, for gifting me with the heritage of water and earth.  I bear the chromosomes of Christ because of you.  It is an honor to be your son and I will remember your goodness in all the worlds to come.

And finally, thank you, my dear parliament of Owls, who have kept watch with me through the night, and have sat with me upon the rooftops to witness the rising sun: I love you.

   The best is yet to come.

Looking Back: How Far We've Come
​
I was cooking dinner Sunday night (a little Mexican feast of tamales and rice and refried beans) when my 11-year old, who was keeping me company in the kitchen, all of the sudden began quoting from my poem Sign.

                     You keep
    the flock in the thrall
    of apricot authority

I looked up from the cutting board, confused.  What was going on?

            gathered to barns
    locked with priestly seal,
    ensnaring little lambs

My son was reading from his iPod (I didn't know he knew how to look up Owl of the Desert).  But there he was, on the kitchen stool, reading words I wrote years ago.

               fleecing them
    with tarnished shears
    your velvet robes
    cannot conceal

I laughed.  "Do you know what that means?" I asked.

He shook his head.  "No idea."

By then his brother, my teenage son, had wandered into the kitchen in search of a snack and joined us.  I put down my knife.  "Read the last part.  I often put the point of my poems at the end."

He scrolled down, and read Alma's words to Korihor (but really to us):

   I bear no purse, carry no scrip:
   I hold sacred the sign of my apostleship.

   With mine own hands
   I have labored
   for my support
   as God commands.

​​      According to the Holy Order
      to which I am called
      I give you this sign:

          As high priest
          I refused to take
          so much as a single
          senine.

"A 'senine' is money," I explained as he finished reading out loud.  "It's like Alma was saying, 'I've never taken so much as a penny for my service to God.'  It's about priestcraft.  Do you know what that is?"

   *****

Owl of the Desert has evolved over the years.  In the early days I was primarily concerned with contrasting the Church's policies with the scriptures.  I spent a lot of time on topics like priestcraft and authority and tithing, highlighting how the Church had stumbled (Rom. 9:33).

But you may have noticed I don't talk about the Church as much anymore.  Or Mammon or prophet-worship ― or a dozen other things that are still issues, sure ― but do I really need to beat a dead horse?

Along the way, I arrived at a point where, having said what needed saying (at least by me), I found myself drawn toward things of greater consequence, like exploring the mysteries of God, in whose light the chipped nail polish besmirching the Church's bedsheets pales into insignificance.  

And don't worry!  Everything I have written remains available for anyone who is interested, who wishes to read from the beginning and see the good, the bad, and the ugly (referring to myself).

I shall not go back and edit what I have written, because it captures a moment in time, a point in my path, and stands as a record of both my inspiration and imperfection (Ether 12:23).

I am sorry if I offended anyone while finding my sea legs, if my words proved divisive rather than discerning.  At times I was angry and hurt; other times I was heartbroken and depressed.  But mostly, I was hopeful.

For the common thread in everything I have written, no matter the subject, has always been this: faith, hope, and (especially) love.

Fool Me Once
​
The ancient Zen master Zhaozhou (778 A.D. - 897 A.D., known as Joshu in Japanese) had a great sense of humor (a sign of intelligence, I am told).

A story tells of a monk who asked Master Zhaozhou, "What is an imbecile?"

Zhaozhou said, "I’m not as good as you."

The monk said defensively, "I’m not trying to be anything" (for in Buddhism one must not become attached to identity). 

Zhaozhou replied, "Then why are you being an imbecile?"
 
   *****

Paul said:

   We are fools
   for Christ's sake.

(1 Cor. 4:10)

I am happy to be a court jester in Christ's kingdom, for in the world we see all around us "men's hearts failing them for fear" (Luke 21:26).

I have tried to counteract the fear by whispering hope into the shadows.  I hope some of what I've written over the years has made you smile.

Everywhere we turn there is such heaviness.  We wipe our foreheads in the sweltering heat of the times and seasons.  But we mustn't let our hearts succumb to heatstroke.

This is not a dry heat, either, we're experiencing, but a spiritual humidity coming from "the powers of heaven be[ing] shaken" (Luke 21:26).  And this is merely a preamble to what we'll endure when the Lord sets His hand to humble the nations.

Owls, let's please not lose our nerve and humor: not when the sun darkens and the moon withholds her light, her scarred cheeks blushing red at the sight of what the world has become (Rev. 6:12).

If there's one thing the world needs right now, it is for those bearing Christ's light to lighten the mood.

Faith's Flower

"Divine invitations are usually delivered by trouble."

   ― Sufi saying

The spiritual awakening we're witnessing in the Church is happening across the world, in every religion.  We are not unique; these seismic waves ripple everywhere.  We are feeling the effect of the Lord's hand on the plough.

The Lord is gathering laborers from among every people, kindred, and clime: from the islands of the sea to the mountains to the valleys: the world is waking up (even as the powers of darkness combine).
 
I recently read an interview of a Muslim Sufi, Shaykh Burhanuddin, who said, "Especially in the latest years, there is definitely an increase in awakening going on."  In Islam.

"If you have seen the divine power, you know, you have no doubts that everything can happen.  So I would never take hope away from people, but I can say it is urgent, and this is why we are doing what we are doing.  And I'm the smallest particle, you know, but I have to try to do the work, no?"

The Shaykh's words remind me of the Lord's call:
   
   If ye have desires to serve God
   ye are called to the work;

   For behold the field is white
   already to harvest.

(D&C 4:3-4)

The harvest will not happen along denominational lines.  To the angels it makes little difference what religion we claim, but only if our hearts are pure (D&C 97:21).

But make no mistake: the harvest is coming.

We determine, though, the shape the sickle takes (D&C 4:4).  This was implied in the revelation Joseph Smith received in 1831 (now D&C 39) about the coming judgment, which changes how I view things.

   The people in Ohio
   call upon me in much faith,
   thinking I will stay my hand
   in judgment upon the nations,
   but I cannot deny my word.
 
(D&C 39:16)

From this verse, it seems like the future if set: the judgment is inevitable because God "cannot deny [His] word."

But wait: has God given His last and final word?  No, for His words "never cease" (Moses 1:4).

And just because God "has spoken one word, ye need not suppose that [He] cannot speak another; for my work is not yet finished" (2 Nephi 29:9).

Look at what the Lord teaches us about the future in what He says next in D&C 39:

   Lay to with your might
   and call faithful laborers
   into my vineyard,
   that it may be pruned
   for the last time.
 
   Inasmuch as they do repent
   and receive the fulness
   of my gospel,
   and become sanctified,
   I WILL STAY MY HAND (!)
   IN JUDGMENT.

(D&C 39:17-18)

The harvest will come, but the road getting there is not predetermined.  The future is always in flux.

Faith, you see, has power to move the mountains of what is to come.

Where We're Headed
​
"Jesus was not an exception to humanity but was the revelation of what humanity is meant to become."

    ― Doug Scott
 
​If you're wondering where I'm headed, personally (and as a result, where my writings will be taking us), the answer is simple: to Christ.

Perhaps not the Christ we expect ― not the Christ of our creeds and false traditions ― but to the living Christ, who is even more wonderful than we can imagine.

​Over the past year you may have sensed a change in my tone and focus in the Approaching Zion series.

In July 2024 I alluded to this change in Approaching Zion: Pure in Heart, when I wrote:

"There is a whole world I have yet to explore.

"The Lord popped my prideful bubble with a pinprick of His Spirit as I contemplated my vast ignorance.  I imagined the vaulted libraries of heaven for which I haven't even been issued a library card yet.

"Zion is so much more than what we have imagined in our Sunday School classes.  Before us lies an infinite University, the likes of which we cannot fathom; there are countless tomes of Creation's courses that lie unopened at our feet.  There are Everest-truths our finite minds have yet to conceive, standing as-we-are at the base camp, near the bottom, looking up at the summit shrouded in the mystery of the Lord's day-cloud.

"How long it will take us to absorb it all, I cannot say; had we ten lifetimes to learn about this earth, it would be but a drop in the ocean.  But I can't wait to gaze beyond the horizon of our faith and witness the wonders of God hidden from the world in Christ Jesus."

​Since that time, I have received my Library Card.  My spiritual education under the Lord's tutelage has taken me in some surprising directions.

I don't speak often about my personal spiritual experiences with the Lord because everyone's encounter with God is unique; I don't want to prejudice anyone or ruin Christ's surprise for you.

I think it's regrettable the Church has given mythical status to Joseph Smith's experiences with the Lord.  I think we often misunderstand the nature of Joseph's experiences, having a eulogized narrative that makes us look beyond the mark, expecting God to treat us as if we were all nineteenth-century farm boys.

God is not found in someone else's experiences.  God can only be found and known through our personal walk with Him.

Whether we find God on the road to Emmaus, or maybe it's on the road to Damascus ― or if we're lucky, to find Him on the road to Jericho (Luke 10:30) ― but wherever we are, on whatever road we travel, at whatever stage we find ourselves, He walks beside us!  Even now, if only we have eyes to see it.

The cosmos is "ensouled."  Just as our spirit mediates between the divine light of Christ and our mind and body (creating a soul) (D&C 88:15), so too does the universe itself express the soul of God.

Sorry if I sound like a broken record, but I have to keep shouting from the rooftops the good news!  Everyone seems to be chasing God as if He were out there, in a pillar of fire or at Father Whitmer's Cabin, or behind special rites, or somewhere "else."  But He is here!  He is within you, and is part of you, and you Him (D&C 88:50). 
 
By this I mean, the soul of God mediates between eternal forms and physical processes.  These forms and processes are creative, and therefore the way God reaches out to you is uniquely based on you.

People in the Church often talk about spiritual milestones which become millstones if they cause us to miss the mark, which is, finding Christ "in all things" (D&C 88:41).

French Jesuit priest Pierre Teilhard de Chardin (1881-1955) pointed us towards a Christ greater than our Churches, grander than our faith, purer than the doctrines of men.

Teilhard taught that Christ was not just the Creator of the universe, but that Christ was being created by the universe as it evolves.

In other words, the Body of Christ is being co-created with us.  Just as God created us, so too do we participate in the creation of God by becoming part of Him (how else do we explain the Godhead?).

Gird your loins, my friends, for the future is coming faster than we think.  I have faith in the future because I have faith in the Living God.

One of the paradoxes I have learned is that, just as we come to know our true nature through God, so too do we glorify God by God knowing Himself through us.

I leave you with my love in the light of the God of dawn, of first light, of hope found with the rising of the morning Sun.

Let us carry this light into the darkness of days we call 'mortality' so others may feel the warmth upon their cheeks.

Mine Testimony
a poem

​Mine Lamb
mine Advocate I am 
your lamb smiling
Child mine singing Son 
sweet Ahman come joyfully

Tensile your name
Shepherd sound 
carrying our secret 
water rushing
between us unspoken 
mine name
Brokenness
I AM
sorry 
mine Alone
Comforter Newlyborn 

     swaddle me 
     in mine Eyes.

(Artwork in this post by German-American painter Albert Bierstadt (1830-1902.)

Previously in the Approaching Zion series:

Childlike Consecration
Polygamy
Beauty and the Beast
The Doctrine of Christ
​The Pure in Heart
One Heart and One Mind
A Refuge from the Storm
Go Ye Out of Babylon
The Seventh Seal
Watchmen and Waste Places
The Seven Heavens
The Kingdom of God on Earth
The Destiny of America
The Mystery of the Atonement
Walking with God
Enduring to the End
​Dreaming of Justice, Longing for Mercy
Desert Healers

"Songs of Everlasting Joy"

"Things are taken care of far better than you could possibly believe."

     ― Plato

Zion is joyful.

Isaiah long ago set the mood for Zion ― a city of celebration filled with tambourines and harps (30:32) and electric guitars (38:20, why not?), rejoicing as they:

   come to Zion
   with songs and everlasting joy.

(Isaiah 35:10)

Latter-day scripture picks up on this celebratory motif and runs with it, mentioning "songs of everlasting joy" six times.  In every instance, the context for this joyfulness is the establishment of Zion.  In other words, Zion comes with some stellar beats.

   The righteous shall be gathered
   out from among all nations,
   and shall come to Zion, singing
   with songs of everlasting joy.

(D&C 45:71)

Wouldn't you love to hear Zion's playlist (we won't find it on Spotify)?  Wouldn't it be amazing to feel the hills tremble and quake with delight as Zion's daughters return home, singing and rejoicing?

There is a special relationship between joy and music (for example, the morning stars sang together when the sons of God shouted for joy; see Job 38: 4–7).

Are you familiar with this kind of ecstasy ― a divine joy that is irrepressible, that wells up in your heart and demands release: a joyousness that makes you sing and dance and clap (Psalm 47:1) and holler, "Hosanna! Hosanna!"?

   The children of Ephraim . . . 
   shall be filled 
   with songs of everlasting joy.

(D&C 133:32-33)

"Tim, I'm not much of a singer, really.  My voice sounds like a chain-smoking frog.  Can't carry a tune.  The Ward Choir Director once threw garlic and holy water at me."

That's okay, friends: no musical experience is required because we "SHALL BE FILLED" with this joyful music, it says.

This joy is not summoned, but is a gift from God that courses through us, descending as the dews of Carmel, making our whole bodies and souls an instrument of praise.

   The pure in heart shall return,
   and come to their inheritances . . .
   with songs of everlasting joy,
   to build up the waste places
   of Zion.

(D&C 101:18)

Why are the pure in heart so joyful?  What reason have they to rejoice?  Is it because they bear upon their foreheads the mark of their King, their Salvation, their Father?

   And the Lord said . . . 
   I am Messiah,
   the King of Zion,
   the Rock of Heaven,
   which is broad as eternity
   (how big must this rock be, to encompass all of eternity? What is this trying to say?)
   whoso cometh in at the gate . . . 
   shall come forth with songs
   of EVERLASTING JOY.

(Moses 7:53)

When people ask me what I will do when the Savior returns, I answer, "Sing!"

The Holiness of Joy

"Ships cannot sail where the water is too shallow."

     ― Zhaozhou

"Tim," someone says, "I thought you were going to teach us about holiness.  What's joy got to do with it?"

Most people don't make the connection between (1) holiness and (2) what Peter calls the "joy unspeakable" (1 Pet. 1:8).

As I explained in Part 10: "Lord, To Whom Shall we Go?", the Three Pillars of Zion are:

   1. A Holy House (not the temple but a family, even the family of God: what the scriptures call the House of Israel)

   2. A Holy City (a festive city of peace where we dwell in brotherhood and there are no poor)

   3. A Holy Name (taking upon ourselves the name of Christ, having received a new name)

When we receive (1) - (3), we can't help but sing "the songs of everlasting joy!"  Look carefully:

   1.  "Songs" = music.  What is music but sound, and what is sound but vibration, and what is vibration but waves moving in particular ratios?

Do not limit "songs" to auditory waves only, but think of the songs (movement and frequencies and amplitude) of light and love and intelligence; think of the way God's glory dances through all of our senses.

Think of the song that Creation sings, that is seen in the snowflake and scampering of a squirrel, in a tree shaking itself in the wind, and in the whispers of a setting sun.  All creation exclaims the glory of God.

   2.  "Everlasting" = ah, so we're not talking about mortal music, are we?  These Songs cannot be composed by mortal hands, neither sung with mortal lips, for they are "everlasting."

This is a very particular sort of music, then: akin to the Music of the Spheres, which flows through all and is in all.  This is the heartbeat of God that reverberates throughout His dominion.

It is the voice of Eternity itself ("everlasting"!), meaning this music has no beginning, neither end.  The Tabernacle Choir has never performed anything like it, although you have heard it in the silence of winter as you watched the wood burn low in the fireplace as a child.

In this music we sense the movement of Galrazim, the hidden wave of God, the everlasting Tide that flows upon celestial seas, beckoning all into the unity of the ocean, which is "whole-i-ness."

   3.  "Joy" = what, exactly, is this?  How would you define joy?  What does it feel like to tap into the lifeblood of creation, filling our veins with the everlasting chords of Kingdom Come?  What does it mean to actually receive "a fullness of joy" (D&C 93:33)?

There is holiness in joy, and joy in holiness.

What is Holiness?

"Behold, I am God; Man of Holiness is my name."

     ― Moses 7:35

We tend to think "holiness" is something reverent or monkish, reserved for temples and quiet voices.  We inscribe "Holiness to the Lord" on granite stones and think it exists outside of ourselves, apart from us.  We seek after it as if we were strangers.

We associate holiness with ritual linen, robes and aprons ― thinking holiness is held in special places and special occasions and special ordinances.

We fail to understand that holiness is finding the sacred in the common, in seeing the sacramental significance of each part of the creation, and in every experience, and every person.

That is why, eating a burrito at Taco Bell can be as holy as having our baptism of fire; taking the dog for a stroll can be as sacred as receiving from the Lord our new name; and running to Walmart to buy milk for dinner can be as profound as having our calling and election made sure.

Am I serious?  More than I usually am, for I speak from personal experience.  The holiness of God is not found in being set apart, but in being set together ― in setting those things which find themselves apart into the Whole, so all may become one.

If holiness is found in the heart of God, then shall we not place all things in the bosom of Him whose blood circulates holiness, and thereby give life to all things?

The Many

The earth is rude, silent, incomprehensible at first,
nature is incomprehensible at first,
Be not discouraged, keep on,
there are divine things well envelop’d,
I swear to you there are divine beings
more beautiful than words can tell.
 
    ― Walt Whitman

​Philosophers and prophets have long puzzled over the problem of holiness, of the Many and the One.

Everything we see around us, like a garden of roses, is the Many.  We can pick a rose and smell it; and yet we sense behind each physical specimen (all different, and yet the same) the existence of the One they are modeled after.

However, the "One" is unseen ― but we intuitively feel that the One is more real, somehow, than the Many we can see and touch.

When we search for Truth, we are seeking the One ― the Prime, the First, the Alpha ― upon which all others are fashioned in its image.

How do we find the One?  Where is holiness kept?  How do we approach what is hidden from view?  Well, that's simple: through the Many!

   Inasmuch as ye have done it
   unto one the least of these
   my brethren (the Many),
   ye have done it unto me (the One)

(Matt. 25:40)

Holiness is seeing the One in the Many, and returning the Many to the One.

Philosophers and prophets and poets have spent their lives searching for the One, trying to understand what is "real" and eternal.  The scriptures define truth as "things as they really are" (Jacob 4:13).  How do we discern reality from figment and illusion?

Plato and the Greeks zeroed in on four subjects they believed were best suited to uncovering the One: types and shadows that revealed the veiled Face of God.

These subjects may surprise you, for they are not taught in Sunday School ― but if we want to comprehend God, they’re a good place to start.

The Greeks called these four areas of inquiry the Quadrivium:

   - Mathematics (the study of numbers)
   
   - Geometry (the study of shapes)
   
   - Astronomy (the study of the stars and planets)
   
   - Music (the study of vibrational frequencies and ratios)

What does the Quadrivium reveal about the nature of holiness?  What does it reveal about the unseen world?  How do these subjects inspire "songs of everlasting joy" in our breast?

Don't despair!  I am not good at math, either.  I never even took Calculus.

But that's okay: we're not getting a Ph.D; we are seeking instead a Puri.D (of heart), which yields clarity of sight so we may "see God" (Matt. 5:8).

Seeking the One is the working of holiness, sanctifying the seeker.

"I Call to the Stand, Isaac Newton"

Isaac Newton, the OG, was a master student of the Quadrivium.  He concluded that space and time were absolute and immutable, providing the universe with rigid, unchangeable laws.

Newton's equations are still used today (think of the laws of motion we learned in High School, like, when two bodies interact, they apply forces to one another that are equal in magnitude and opposite in direction).
 
There are many people (including members of the Church) who want the gospel of Jesus Christ to be like Sir Isaac Newton's laws.  They treat the laws of the gospel as if they were rigid and fixed, as if the gospel were an equation to be unpacked.  You’ll hear them quoting D&C 130:20-21, like President Nelson, "There is a law irrevocably decreed in heaven. . . ."
 
However, things get interesting when someone like Albert Einstein comes on the scene and shows space and time are actually part of a unified whole, and gives us general relativity, which teaches that cosmic evolution is flexible and dynamic ― a far cry from Newton’s rigid, unchanging structures.

You see, Newton's laws are useful (and still helpful) on the earth, at small scales; but as we leave the earth and find ourselves in larger systems, awash in the galaxy, Newton's laws don't work.  That's where General Relativity comes in.

So it is with the gospel.  General Conference contains some useful information if you're a Newtonian member content to remain on earth, working with the lesser laws and ordinances of the gospel.
 
But Newtonian Christians have trouble leaving the Aaronic order, the letter-of-the-law.  They become dogmatic.

You see, as we ascend to higher heavens, we find that Newton’s laws don’t apply (or work) anymore.  Nevertheless, many members of the Church content themselves to stay earth-bound, on pews fashioned for comfort rather than progress.

(This is one reason our churches have become like hospitals, places of palliative care for those who do not wish to be healed, but prefer to remain in the chlorine-soaked corridors of modern religion with its attendant priestcrafts.)

For those brave enough to leave the chapelled confines of religious orthodoxy, and who choose to come unto Christ at all costs, they soon find themselves in need of a purer framework, a more elegant view of the universe.  Einstein's General Relativity, let's say, represents the Melchizedek order.

(And those strapped to heart monitors and IVs see us from their hospital gurneys removing the needles and patches from our chest, getting up and setting aside our gowns and putting on Christ instead, and as we walk out the doors the bedridden think we're the crazy ones.  "Get back here and take your pills!  Nurse's orders!")

Think we're done?  No, because no matter how high we ascend, there will yet be kingdoms above that.

One of the most important points made in D&C 76 ― one that most people gloss over ― is that those who have ascended have a loving responsibility to minister to those lower on the ladder (D&C 76:87-88).  The higher we stretch upwards, the greater our reach downward.

But this does NOT mean (as I've heard mistakenly taught in Church many times) that the "fulness" of the Father does not extend into the lower kingdoms.

Good heavens, how we've butchered the Vision!  God's plenary fulness is extant and present in all of His kingdoms, at every level, without exception.

The scripture says, rather, that the inhabitants of the lower kingdoms are unable to "receive" of the Father's fulness (D&C 76:76-77).

This is the distinguishing feature of the kingdoms of glory: the capacity of the inhabitants to "receive" God's glory.

The difference between a telestial and celestial kingdom is not the amount of the Father's glory that is available (which is the same), but rather the capacity of the persons to "receive" it.

Those in the lower kingdoms have a harder time perceiving God's presence because their spiritual awareness is diminished.

And thus we see that holiness is not "higher," but pertains to and imbues all of God's creation, at all levels.

"Holiness to the Lord" means we find Him wherever we stand, at all times, and in all places.

The One
   
   "In them hath he set a tabernacle."

        ― Psalm 19:4

In the Doctrine and Covenants we're told the Spirit of God "enlighteneth every man through the world" (D&C 84:46).
 
What does it mean to be "enlightened?"  How does one shine a light on what is hidden, so it becomes manifest in the darkness (which is one way to view "sanctification"), as Jesus did?

"Know ye not that ye are the temple of God" (1 Cor. 3:16)?  I would suggest that the light we're searching for is already within us: we simply do not perceive it (we do not "comprehend" it).

   The light shineth (it's always on)
   in darkness, and the darkness
   comprehendeth it not.

(D&C 88:49)

The Light we seek is not "out there": we don't need to search for it in cathedrals and temples and basilicas and pagodas and monasteries: for WE ARE THE TEMPLE.  The Light is within us.  The problem, though, is we are blind to it.  We are unconscious of it.
 
Consciousness refers to a person's awareness of the world around them.  But "consciousness" is not who we are; it is not the same as the "self."  It merely describes a person's ability to perceive ("RECEIVE") things "as they really are."

Animals are conscious, but they are not self-conscious like we are.  There are different levels of consciousness.  In a similar way, as we ascend higher, the gods develop a sort of pan-consciousness in which they "see as they are seen, and know as they are known."

Our consciousness is not the same thing as our Spirit or intelligence.  As we ascend Jacob's Ladder, our spiritual consciousness expands: our faculties are enlarged so we may see things we cannot presently conceive of ― the same way we cannot hear the high pitch of a dog whistle or see infrared and ultraviolet light with our natural senses.

Now, let me clarify something.  When I speak of Jacob's Ladder, we usually think of stages of progression, going from one kingdom to another, from exaltation to exaltation.  This view is "outward" and is correct, for we do inhabit and move through environments of varying glories.

As I've pointed out before, we are currently at the top of the third rung on Jacob’s ladder, collectively (that is, the earth).  We're currently entering the fourth, or paradisiacal glory (see, Seven Heavens). 

But there is also an aspect of Jacob's Ladder that we largely ignore, which is the "inner" character of the Ladder.  The important thing to understand is that all seven rungs (representing the seven heavens) of the Ladder currently reside in each one of us.  At this moment.  Heaven is not just something we ascend, but something that ascends in us.

This is why I say we don't have to "go" anywhere to find God, because the Kingdom of heaven is within.

The kingdom of glory we inherit in the resurrection after the harvest is commensurate with the heaven we have ascended to inwardly in this life, which is to say, the level of light we have infused into our souls.

This may sound strange, because we look into the vastness of space and imagine Kolob being "out there" somewhere near Sagittarius A.  But what if, as we go "inward" and deeper, things become much more expansive?

Take physical matter, which appears solid, right?  Well, it isn't solid at all (even though that is how we perceive it).  Walk up to a tree and examine a single leaf.  As you hold it to your eyes, you’ll begin to see detailed veins on the leaf.  Now pretend you could peer deeper into it, and you’d see the molecules and atoms.  Keep going.  What we find, the further "inward" we go, is endlessness: emptiness and space ad infinitum. 
 
As the poet William Blake surmised:

   To see a world in a grain of sand
   And heaven in a wild flower,
   Hold infinity in the palm of your hand
   And eternity in an hour.

But there is a correspondence between the outer and inner, the seen and invisible, the higher (hidden) and lower (manifest).

All things are united by, and joined within, the light and Spirit of Christ, which is a name for this divinity that lies within each of us: call it light, or the glory of God, or intelligence, or the light of Truth ― however we describe it, it dwells within us (see D&C 93:17).

​Holiness is seeing the threads of this Light in all things, through all things ― uniting all things in One.

Heavenly Bodies

"Knowest thou the ordinances of heaven? canst thou set the dominion thereof in the earth?"

     ― Job 38:33
   
​"Tim," someone says, "Why did we come to earth to receive a physical body, then, if all the action is on the inside?"

Good question.  Perhaps I have misled you into thinking consciousness was a thing, something that belonged to you and me.  I think it is more helpful to conceptualize that there is a single Consciousness that we all tap into to varying degrees, a unified whole we all perceive subjectively, which the Lectures on Faith call "the Mind of God."  The amazing thing about the Mind of God is we can actually add to it.

Spiritual death is to be trapped in the illusion that we are "cut off" from God.  The fig leaves of Eden, the desire to "hide" from God, represent this self-imposed isolation and separation from our divine nature.

Christ taught us to see the Truth: we do not have irreconcilable differences with God (for we all share in godhood), and through faith we can be reconciled to the family of God after our brief Rumspringa.

Now, you are conscious of your toes; but being aware of your toes does not mean you can move them.  Consider how awful it would be to possesses consciousness but be unable to interact with what you perceive.  Imagine a person who was comatose but still conscious of everything going on around them, unable to speak or move.

And so consciousness without the ability to act is hell (and vice versa).  How do we interact?  It requires at least two things: agency (free will) and a vehicle in which to interface with and impact the environment around us (a body) (which the scriptures often equate with power, even the power of God).

​Now this next point is esoteric, very subtle.  Please understand that each rung on Jacob's Ladder (each "heaven" or spiritual estate) has associated with it a body.

On the third rung we find ourselves, we've been given a mortal body commensurate with this 3D stage.  As we ascend higher, our body-form takes upon itself new and different aspects.

Now, because God does not experience time as we do, pretend, just for a moment, that all seven of our bodies were somehow connected to us at all times, even right now.  Consider the possibility that our present physical body is linked to the seven energy fields of our total Being.

Are we beginning to understand what it means, "the Body of Christ?"  People wait for Jesus to pop into their bedrooms as if He were a castmate on the set of Friends, not realizing that the Body of Christ is quite literally composed of the grace shared by believers ― which is more "real" in higher planes than flesh and blood.

   Know ye not that your bodies
   are the members of Christ?

(1 Cor. 6:15)

And do you know what this means?  In order for us to experience this estate in innocence, to assist our spiritual growth, we would need to be veiled from our other bodies (our higher selves).  But even in our stunted, mortal state, we remain gnolaum (Abr. 3:18), or eternal.

This is how I think we can reconcile Joseph Smith's King Follett statement that God the Father was once a man, with the seemingly contradictory doctrine that God has always been God, from all eternity to all eternity.  Both are correct, just as we are now men and women (in the relative view), but ― when viewed from the eternal and timeless perspective of God ― possess the characteristics of our complete, integrated, and total Being.​

Quantum [Spiritual] Mechanics?

     Here, at the end,
     I will smell the sun
     in the evening soil,
I will listen to the march  
of the field vole
and foxes’ feet;
 
I will taste the cold
on my wings as snow
spreads a shroud
across the meadow—​
     and I will see​
     one last time
the vine
​that drew love
from our fingertips.

​   ― The Meadow

Earlier I presented an analogy of Newton and Einstein representing various priesthoods.  Now enter: quantum mechanics.  Oh boy!

Our spirits expand and exist beyond the point we can consciously perceive; but just because we are unaware of our total beingness does not change the fact that we are multi-dimensional gods having an incredible mortal experience (remember that the next time you forget where you put your glasses, or when someone cuts you off in traffic).

This life exudes holiness in all its parts.

Our spirits stretch into the unknowable past, and into the unseen future, for we are without beginning of days or end of years.
 
In a way I do not understand, we exist at all these points of time.  Like a musical score that is written before a single note is played by the orchestra, all of the parts of our Self are held in the Mind of God.

But what would happen if all of the notes on the sheet music were played simultaneously?  It would be a big noise!  Time is a gift, and the worlds are "numbered" as a composer numbers the musical notes in sequence, giving them rhythm and rests, so that when the maestro plays, the musical score becomes coherent and beautiful.

In other words, eternity exists in totality now, all of its parts ― but, we experience it in sequence and stages, as time flows forward.
​
The music we hear being played "now" upon the stage in this lifetime is part of a greater musical tapestry that stretches in all directions, but we ARE the embodiment of the entire Score, even as I AM ― even if we are only aware of this single, brief measure of music we call "mortality."
 
Imagine it!  Yes, Moses learned that "man is nothing" (Moses 1:10); but don't forget that was only half the lesson.  For Moses also learned that we are children of God, sons and daughters of the Creator, and therefore, man is everything (Moses 1:39).

Before the Nephite Twelve had even been born, hundreds of years before they would ever blow out any birthday candles, the Angel told Nephi:

   And, behold, they are righteous
   forever; for because of their faith
   in the Lamb of God
   their garments are made white
   in his blood.

(1 Nephi 12:10)

You see, under Newton and Einstein, using either classical physics or general relativity, we find that the past and future are etched into the present, and have certainty.
 
But in quantum mechanics we approach something holier, perhaps, than certainty: probability.  The more we delve into the universe and learn of things "as they really are," the more we find its elegance in unpredictability, where Reality is "not one way or another, but is in fact, partly one way AND another."  (Brian Greene, The Fabric of the Cosmos.)

Here is holiness: in the blending of the relative and objective view; the harmonization of duality; the integration of the One and the Many, the balancing of eternity upon a needle's nose ― in all of these we find God's handiwork.

The closer to God we come, the more we find ourselves swimming in potentiality and possibilities, where forms are not fixed while awaiting faith (being "perceived"); this is what the Lectures on Faith describe when talking about "the worlds being framed by the Word of God: so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear" (Lecture 1:14).

You see, "things as they really are" are NOT fixed!  Re-read that statement, please.  Here is the Good News that Christ's blood sprinkles upon our hope: for we believe Truth is also "things as they really WILL BE" (Jacob 4:13).

Reality remains somewhat ambiguous, in flux, until we apply our faith, as particles remain in play until they are perceived and measured.

What we thought was "fixed" under Newton, and settled under Einstein, is not the whole story.

As you read the following quote from physicist Brian Greene, I want to you to apply these words to our relationship with God.

"[Under Newton and Einstein], if you want to control what's happening on the other side of a football field, you have to go there, or, at the very least, you have to send someone [there].

"Quantum mechanics challenges this view by revealing . . . a capacity to transcend space; long-range quantum connections can bypass spatial separation.  Two objects can be far apart in space, but as far as quantum mechanics is concerned, it’s as if they’re a single entity.”  (Brian Greene, The Fabric of the Cosmos, p. 12.)    
 
Spiritually speaking, there is a law deeper than that which we call the higher law, and greater than that which we deem to be greatest, which is:

   All things are possible
   to him that believeth.

(Mark 9:23).

And we of little faith continue to doubt?  Doubt not, but be believing!  For we are a single Being with God.  We are "one" ― just as Jesus said (John 17).

When we "comprehend" this reality, we shall become holy.

A Desert Blooming

   He will make her wilderness
   like Eden,
   and her desert
   like the garden of the Lord.

       ― Isaiah 51:3

I flew into Phoenix on Saturday for work.  I love Arizona because my family roots are from there.  My grandfather (George Merrill, 1920-2015) grew up in St. David, Arizona during the Great Depression.

He used to tell me stories about growing up in the middle of nowhere, before electricity and indoor plumbing, just 100 miles from the Mexican border.  On Saturday nights his family would heat water in a metal tin tub, taking turns bathing, from oldest to youngest.  He was the youngest of seven children ― he joked by the time it was his turn, he would come out of the bathwater dirtier than when he entered.

As is often the case, the lands of our youth have a way of seeping into our blood; we carry our childhood home with us for the rest of our lives.  I think that's why my grandpa felt a lifelong connection to the dry Arizona dirt.  Wherever he went, he surrounded himself with desert art, Native American keepsakes, and wore fabulous turquoise rings as symbols of his past.

Deserts, though, are dangerous places.  The wilderness is not welcoming.  You and I inhabit a spiritual desert.  The land is parched, "its water dried up" (Rev 16:12).  Our religious leaders present themselves as an oasis in the desert, but so often they lead us only to a mirage.  No other can give us the water we seek: we must dig deeply to tap into the aquifer of God's peculiar treasure (Ex. 19:5).

Personally, I find being wanderers in the wilderness, pilgrims in a strange land, to be a blessing.  Yes, I know it is 'hard living' ― but because of it, we have grown lean and wise.  We know survival comes from knowing the earth, her songs and ways.

For here, in the wilderness, away from urban noise pollution and convenience stores, far from the nearest religious interstate, we hear the word of the Lord more clearly.  His voice shines upon the crystal sands as the light of the sun, transforming the desert floor into a field of diamonds.

The stillness of night is punctuated by the call of coyotes, the rattle of snakes seeking the lingering warmth of stone, and the sound of desert owls rising with the moon.

Can you hear the desert rousing itself?  Can you witness it blossoming as a cactus rose?  The Lord is terraforming the spiritual landscape.

   Behold, that which you hear
   is as the voice of one crying
   IN THE WILDERNESS―
   in the wilderness, because you
   cannot see him―
   my voice, because my voice
   is Spirit; my Spirit is truth;
   truth abideth and hath no end;
   and if it be IN YOU
   it shall abound.

(D&C 88:66)

In this remarkable verse we discover where truth is found: not 'out there' ― not among the mining companies who labor for fools' gold.  No, truth is buried deep within us ("in you").  We are the Lord's treasure, his precious gems (3 Nephi 24:17).  The truth we earnestly seek, the pearl of great price, is woven into our own souls.

Let us gather round the campfire the Lord has set here in the desert, now that darkness spreads.  Bring your canteen for the Lord to fill; come warm your hands before the flame and listen to Him stir our hearts with stories of worlds-to-be, and feel the peace pouring from His face, aglow in the firelight.

For here in the desert we shall find healing.  Fitting, isn't it: for who would have thought that here, of all places, we should find living waters in the barren wilderness?

"[Be][hold] me"

   And [Jesus] went aside privately
   into a desert place.

        ― Luke 9:10

The hotel I was staying at in Phoenix had a restaurant.  I found a seat in the lounge and ordered water and beef short rib tacos.

While waiting for my food, I opened my phone and sorted emails.  I texted my wife.  I observed the others in the restaurant, mostly golf-types who were celebrating the end of 18 holes with beer and burgers.

I sipped my water, sitting alone, though I didn't feel lonely ― for despite appearances, no matter how alone we appear, we are not denizens of solitude; none of us is spiritually cut-off.  We walk among unseen hosts; we swim in the currents of angelic concourses; we labor in the presence of, and beside, God himself (Jacob 5:72).

The desert crawls with life.  We serve within a highly-developed spiritual ecosystem that stretches outwards and inwards, worlds without number, connecting all generations of time.

I checked Facebook, looked at the news, and ― still no sign of those tacos ― I opened the scriptures on my phone and began reading from Isaiah.

  I said, Behold me, behold me

(Isaiah 65:1)

Here the Lord is speaking directly to us, and those words hit me like a charging buffalo.  "Behold me!"  Where?  "Look!  Do you see me?"  Gileadi's translation makes God's plea even more emphatic:

   I said, Here am I; I am here.

(Isaiah 65:1, Gileadi Translation)

From the sound of it, I expected God to be waving His arms trying to get my attention.  I looked around: no chariots of fire, no Beings of blinding glory anywhere to be seen.  I saw a weary-looking bartender, a middle-aged waitress wiping down tables, and groups of sunburned friends finishing their drinks.

​How does one find water in the desert?  Where can one find God in these forsaken wastelands?

   "Can I get a refill?"

Poor Moses

   [They] lusted exceedingly
   in the wilderness,
   and tempted God
   in the desert.

        ― Psalm 106:14

Are you familiar with the Desert of Zin?  It is a place Moses won't soon forget.

The Desert of Zin is a rocky region in the Negev where the Israelites couldn't find water.  Things went downhill quickly for Moses from that point:

   And there was no water
   for the congregation:
   and they gathered themselves
   together against Moses.

(Numbers 20:2)

No good deed goes unpunished.  The Israelites were pretty good at blaming their leaders; I have to remind myself not to fall into the same trap, not to expect our leaders to quench our thirst when only Christ's living waters can sate our need.

​   And the people strove
   with Moses, and spake, saying:
   Would God that we had died
   when our brethren died
   before the Lord!

(Numbers 20:3)

Joseph Smith warned us to not "depend" too much upon our leaders.  Dependence puts negative pressure on leadership while impoverishing the faith in their followers (who, instead of trusting the Lord, trust the directives coming from Headquarters).

And so in spiritual matters, I have personally determined to take the Lord's counsel to "stand independent above all other creatures beneath the celestial world" (D&C 78:14).  I will hold myself accountable for the kind of relationship I have with the Lord; it is no one else's job.

   And wherefore have ye made us
   to come up out of Egypt,
   to bring us in unto this evil place?

(Numbers 20:5)

Often people will leave a bad situation only to find the new one equally intolerable.  We keep searching for something "better" out there, not realizing that the betterment we truly seek lies within.

   It is no place of seed,
   or of figs, or of vines,
   or of pomegranates;
   neither is there any water
   to drink.

(Numbers 20:5)

We often find fault with our circumstances, as if more money, or a better job, or some other improvement will finally 'do the trick.'

Moses could have given the people pomegranates, and would they have changed their tune?  No, because the underlying cause of their discontent was dependence on an external source, thinking Moses was supposed to solve things for them.  The power of God is self-empowering; dependence upon outside authority is spiritually depleting.

   And Moses and Aaron gathered
   the congregation together
   before the rock, and he said
   unto them: Hear now, ye rebels:
   must we fetch you water
   out of this rock?

(Numbers 20:10)

One of the downsides of a hierarchy is that it deprives the people of wrestling with the Lord themselves, so that they struggle to become spiritually self-reliant.

   And Moses lifted up his hand,
   and with his rod he smote
   the rock twice: 
   and water came out.

(Numbers 20:11)

Whoops: Moses didn't follow the Lord's instructions, and therefore was prohibited from entering the Promised Land.  You see, a hierarchy is also bad for those on top, who become negatively influenced by the demands of their followers, as Moses demonstrates.  The Lord said to Moses:

   For ye rebelled
   against my commandment
   in the desert of Zin,
   in the strife of the congregation,
   to santify me at the water
   before their eyes.

(Numbers 27:14)

Moses was so wearied from the murmuring, he took his eyes off the mark for one brief moment, and look.

The sin of the Desert of Zin was to place the focus on the water instead of Him who is its Wellspring; to credit the rock instead of the Stone; to look to leadership instead of the Lord for answers.

Ironically, members of the LDS Church (and those in most religions) have postured themselves towards their leaders as the ancient Israelites did Moses.  In the Protestant context, they likewise fixate on an ideological interpretation of the Bible ("creeds") over the living Word that inhabits the fleshy tablets of our hearts.

How did we fail to learn the most basic lesson of the desert? 

"I give waters in the wilderness"

   I will even make a way
   in the wilderness,
   and rivers in the desert.

    ― Isaiah 43:19
​
In the hotel lounge, I continued reading Isaiah (still no tacos).  I love the words of Isaiah because they teach that God's love is the work of healing across spiritual dimensions as well as dispensations.

Love is the work of restoring Israel ― and individuals ― to wholeness.  Love is the means by which we irrigate our hearts; love is water seeping into the desert soil we thought lifeless, but in fact contains seeds beneath the surface just waiting for new life.

God says:
​
   I was available . . . .
   I was accessible.

(Isaiah 65:1; Gileadi)

According to Merriam Webster, "accessible" means "capable of being reached; something within reach; easy to speak to or deal with."

Who among us in the desert hasn't cried out with chapped lips, "O God, where art thou?  And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place" (D&C 121:1)?

Among city slickers it is easy to miss Him, where skyscrapers block the sun at noonday, and religious leaders occlude the light streaming down from above.  But in the desert all is laid bare beneath the bone-bleaching stare of God's piercing eye.

   I held out my hands all the day
   to a defiant people . . . 
   who sit in sepulchres

(Isaiah 65:2, 4; Gileadi)

If we want to find God, we don't have to "go" anywhere: He is here.  His hand is graspable.  The way we grasp it is through faith and repentance ― which, to me, means the process of self-healing under the care of a wise Master Healer.

A "sepulchre" is a tomb, a place of burial and death.  The Lord found us shriveled in the desert, sick and prey for vultures, fainted and forlorn.  Taking pity, the Lord reached down as we lingered in shallow graves, and said, "You sleep, but rise," and lifted us up (3 Nephi 27:15).

But the Lord is not an Elevator.  We don't ascend Jacob's Ladder by pushing a button and skipping floors to the sound of soft music; that is not what the atonement is about.

No, if we wish to ascend to the Father we must climb, taking the stairs.  The Lord is our strength: in His strength we press forward, step-by-step, day-by-day, until the "perfect day" (D&C 50:24).

The Lord cannot impose healing; He will not infringe upon our agency (Matt. 13:58).  This is why He can only show us the way, and offer His companionship and comfort, and nourish us so we have hope to press onward.

But the mystery is that becoming like Him (the great I AM) is something He cannot give us ― for it is ours already.

The rungs on the ladder represent spiritual growth, which means increased consciousness or divine awareness (what we might call "intelligence" or the "spirit of truth").  As our spiritual awareness grows, our "eyes" begin to see a hidden reality: the God we were climbing toward was with us all along, in every step, for He is us ― and we were, in fact, God returning to Himself.

   [Who] spend nights in hideouts

(Isaiah 65:4, Gileadi)

But we don't realize this truth, or "see Him," because we hide our face.  Not from God, but from ourselves.  Why do we hide?  Not from God (that's impossible) ― why do we hide from ourselves?

Why do we shun mirrors as if we were Medusa?  Why do we cling to this veil like a security blanket, clenching our fig leaves with tight fists, thinking we are separate from God, trying to impress Him with works that Isaiah calls "filthy rags" (Isaiah 64:6)?

In the desert we return to nature, and become naked once more, stripped of rags, becoming little children: and from the Red Rock of Christ's blood we weave robes of rainbow light, unashamed of who we truly are: sons and daughters of God. 

I want to suggest that to ascend the steps of heaven requires us to face ourselves, warts and all, in the mirror, and observe our fat folds and unseemly parts, and the testimony of years spent beneath a summer sun etched upon our wrinkled skin, and not turn away.  To comprehend God, we must comprehend ourselves, which comes from healing our wounds.

The final frontier is not in outer space.  It is the exploration of divine consciousness and celestial-knowing in the infinite intelligence of the Creator, of which we are part.

​My stomach growled; I roused myself, looking up from my phone.  Where were those tacos?

Who's on the Lord's Side, Who?

   The child grew
   and . . . was in the deserts
   till the day of his showing.

        ― Luke 1:80

The story of St. David, Arizona begins with the Mormon Battalion, who passed through the San Pedro River valley in 1846.  My direct ancestor, Philemon Merrill (1820-1904), was part of the Battalion and later returned to settle St. David.

Born in 1820 in New York, Philemon joined The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in 1839 after his family moved to Illinois, and was ordained an Elder by Hyrum Smith in 1840.

Following the martyrdom, he left Nauvoo and marched with the Mormon Battalion.  Then Philemon was called on a mission to the British Isles, where he spent the next five years (while his two wives back in Utah struggled to support themselves and their children).

In 1876 Philemon received a call to go to Arizona and settle.  Passing through St. George, where the temple had just been dedicated, he received his second anointing.

The fledgling community lay within the Chihuahuan Desert and brushed up against the Apache tribe and Geronimo.  Conditions were rough.  Many of the settlers left.

On October 7, 1878, apostle Erastus Snow visited the small church and blessed the land, prophesying that the day would come when the San Pedro Valley would be settled from one end to the other with Saints.
​
​I admire the pioneer spirit of our ancestors who eked out a living from the unforgiving soil, but I mourn the fact that they, like us, often prioritized religion-building over spiritual healing.  They saw themselves as "building the kingdom of God" through grit more than grace.

Like them, we pride ourselves on digging wells and sending out missionaries and counting church membership as one would head of cattle, erecting mighty edifices, and so on ― all the while thinking these things demonstrate our faith, when in fact, faith is hope in that which is not seen (Alma 32:21).

And this is why there is so little faith upon the earth today, despite appearances ― despite the popularity of religion and its bustling pews, the burgeoning budgets and building sprees, despite the materialistic metrics we boast in: faith is dwindling.

Why?  Because, as we've hewn granite blocks in which to worship, we have neglected the work of inner spiritual healing, which is the real work of faith.

As a result, our families and communities lack a sense of wholeness and peace.  We see this in the fact that Church culture is not very conducive to inner-spiritual work, which includes the need for acceptance, nonjudgment, and authentic self-expression.

​​   who eat swine’s flesh,
   their bowls full of polluted broth

(Isaiah 65:4, Gileadi)

The path of spiritual healing begins with trusting our own divine heart-knowing.  It's almost a farce that we're given the gift of the Holy Ghost but then told to follow the Brethren, because, for practical purposes, if the Brethren's authority is paramount, we might as well have no Holy Ghost at all.  And thus we are taught from a young age to "deny the gifts of God" (Moroni 10:8).

There is an ongoing cosmic contest, a War in Heaven, that is very real.  There is a simple reason that religions invariably fall into idolatry and priestcraft, like in olden times, keeping us asleep and blind to our divine nature.  It is because Satan lies to us about who we are so he can more easily manipulate us into servility.

   And the angel said unto me:
   Behold the formation
   of a church which
   is most abominable . . . 
   which bindeth them down,
   and yoketh them
   with a yoke of iron,
   and bringeth them down
   into captivity.

(1 Nephi 13:5)

There is no need to try to assign which "church" this is talking about (as Bruce R. McConkie tried to do), for the Great and Abominable Church is all of them.  That is, we find in every religion aspects which spread darkness and lead to our spiritual subjugation.

But wait, please don't misunderstand: mercifully, the Lord has also planted in all religions enough light that we can find Him, too, if we look to the spirit rather than letter.  In this way God respects and entices our agency.

The choice is ours.  You see, the choice isn't just which Church to join, but which aspects of our churches we'll choose: the part that is godly or demonic?  Using our divine discernment is the real test.

Sadly, we have witnessed the spiritual blood-letting of priestcraft in our religions, making believers passive, to be "acted upon" rather than to act in God's strength.

The temptation to be "acted upon" by external authority operates to darken our minds.  What is really pernicious is when the devil convinces us it is good to be "acted upon" ― even (especially) by God.  This is one of the deceptions that Christ called an "abomination" (JS-H 1:19).

This may be discomforting, because we've been taught Christ will save us!  "Tim, I want Christ to act upon me!"  This is very subtle, but let me suggest that Christ will not "act upon" us because He honors our agency and will not infringe in the slightest degree upon our free will.

For this reason, it is an eternal law that the Lord "worketh not among the children of men save it be according to their faith" (2 Nephi 27:23).  The way Christ saves us is not by acting upon us, but by us acting through Him.

I would be wary of any teaching or message that promotes self-mistrust or shame or repression: for such things are deleterious to our spiritual makeup.

Many Christians have experienced a weakened sense-of-self and thought themselves holy for it, and the devils laugh; many of us have sought salvation from an external entity we imagine as God, not realizing we are inviting negative spiritual beings to prey upon our vulnerability like vampires who appear as angels of light, who whisper promptings in our hearts.

Instead of doubting our doubts, I would encourage us to sit with them: what is their source? Interrogate them, listen to them, dig into them until we arrive at greater understanding.  We must resolve doubt, not bury it, in order to maintain spiritual balance. 

The work of healing is for the living.  But religious leaders are more like archeologists than doctors.  They oversee religions that resemble fossil museums, celebrating the giants of the past.  "Praise to the man who communed with Jehovah!"

We fill our churches with the reassembled skeletons of great dinosaurs, like Jesus and Joseph Smith, their bones standing motionless, unmoved, just as we’ve posed them.

But Jesus is not the picture painted on temple walls: He lives in us.

Grace Healing

   When the poor and needy
   seek water, and there is none,
   and their tongue faileth for thirst,
   I the Lord will hear them.

​   ― Isaiah 41:17

​Practice Pointer: I have learned repentance is the process of self-healing, of integrating our body with our mind and spirit.  The scriptures call this becoming "a new creature."

Divine healing requires gobs and gobs of grace.  Grace is a state of mind, a condition of the heart, which bears the peace of knowing, "It is well."  Not that things are 'well' in the relative view, from where we stand ― but from the objective view of God who orders all things in one, who sees the end from the beginning.

In the immediate view, there is much unwellness.  I do not wish to dwell on the sickness of society.  And Zion is not well.  But nevertheless, we need not worry, because in the eternal view, It is well.

While we see the principle of grace fully manifest in God's bosom, we find it also in each other: for grace is a quality of consciousness that is inherent in all sentient beings, and radiates from those who are spiritually balanced.  Grace is the scent we smell around Intelligence.

When the trinity of our mind/ body/ spirit (that which makes up "self") becomes imbalanced, we do not feel "well."  Imbalance is easy to spot: just look for signs like short temper, or stinginess, or feelings of low self-worth.  All of the graceless qualities we frown upon are symptoms of spiritual imbalance.

For Christ to reconcile us with God means the reconciliation of our own flesh and spirit, at which point, we "know" or see God as He is because we have become like Him (Moroni 7:48).

"Well Tim," someone says, "Then it's hopeless, because I am not like God!"

Well, that is a mistaken notion; you are created in His image.  I would suggest that what we perceive as alienation from God is actually the feeling of being cut-off from our true selves.  To know God, we must know ourselves: this is the work of healing and spiritual progression.

The Lord is our co-healer, but He cannot heal us without our involvement, for He will not infringe upon our agency.

So He waits.  He waits for us to desire wholeness in Him, to enter in the way and walk the Path with Him, the Path of Pure Love.  No lasting healing can arise from fear; all spiritual work is done in the womb of God's lovingkindness where mercy claimeth her own.

Hold all things in an open palm: if it is based in love, it shall remain with you without any compulsory means whatsoever; if the thing is not needful, it shall fall away of its own accord.  There is no need to force anything.

Now the key to understand is this: just as grace multiples when we find peace between our disparate self-parts, so too is grace magnified when separate beings find balance with each other (what the scriptures call becoming "one").

As two, or three, or more people achieve this, they integrate with a larger spiritual network, which I shall call the "spirit of Christ": they act as electrons of spiritual power spinning and ordered to the center nucleus, God, who Himself balances the electrons together into a valence, a family, an energy field that, itself, one can deem a Father composed of many.

The Path of love begins with healing, and healing begins with faith.  Faith is turning to God, which is to say, inward, where divine intelligence dwells.

A Desert Prophecy

​   Jacob shall flourish
    in the wilderness,
    and the Lamanites
    shall blossom as the rose.

          ― D&C 49:24

In this verse we see the Lord putting an interesting twist on the Old Testament prophecy regarding the desert blossoming as a rose, applying it specifically to the Lamanites (D&C 49:24).

In the immediate verse to follow, He says, then:

   Zion shall flourish.

(D&C 49:25)

So there we have it.  The New Jerusalem will not "flourish" without the Lamanites, the children of promise ― the desert wanderers who renew the spiritual heart of Zion (which had flat-lined).

   And they [the Gentiles]
   shall assist my people,
   the remnant of Jacob,
   and also as many
   of the house of Israel
   as shall come,
   that they may build
   a city, which shall be called
   the New Jerusalem.

   And then shall they
   assist my people
   that they may be gathered in,
   who are scattered
   upon all the face of the land,
   in unto the New Jerusalem.

(3 Nephi 21:22-24)

   Q No. 1:  Who does the Lord call "my people?"

   A:  The remnant of Jacob (not the Latter-day Saints).

   Q No. 2:  Are the Latter-day Saint Gentiles in charge of building the New Jerusalem?

   A:  No, the Lord promised that the New Jerusalem will be built by the remnant of Jacob.

   Q No. 3:  So what is the role of the Latter-day Gentiles in the building of Zion?

   A:  Our role is to "assist" the remnant of Jacob.   

   Q No. 4:  Will all Latter-day Gentiles be able to assist?

   A:  No, only those who have:
   
      1.  Hearkened to the voice of the Lord; and

      2.  Not hardened their hearts; and

      3.  Been numbered among the remnant of Jacob.

The Puebloan people have a tradition that when the first souls rose up from the earth, the first gift the earth gave them was water.

As they emerged through a crack in the earth, a creature named Maasaw (who I like to think of as a hummingbird) greeted them and instructed them to become stewards of Mother Earth and honor her.

According to the Hopi Indians, Maasaw gave them a sacred quest to fulfil, which they spent the rest of their lives pursing: to "find the Center Place."

I cannot tell you where the Center Place is: it is someplace we must each explore and discover for ourselves.

But the real "center place" of Zion is not Jackson County, neither can it be found on any map ― for the center place is found within.

Desert Tears

​"Tears reveal the depths at which and from which we care."

   ― Richard Rohr 

Back in Phoenix, my tacos finally came (it took an hour, but I can't complain since it gave me time to read Isaiah chapter 65).

I returned to my hotel room, my heart (and stomach) full, and sat on the bed, and prayed.  When I was young, I would claw heaven's walls seeking a way in, not realizing heaven was within me.

I entered heaven.  It is easy to think of heaven in materialistic terms, as a glorious city of gold and light "out there" somewhere, near Kolob, like Milwaukee (but with better weather) ― when in fact the pearly gates we must pass through begin with our own inner demons.

I wept.  When was the last time I had cried?  Not a trickle-tear in response to a sappy TV commercial or touching piece of music ― but the soul-wrenching, ugly crying of grief and longing clenched deep in the bowels, hoping-against-hope?

The fight was never between prophets and golden calves, between political parties and rivals, the Sharks and Jets.  The fight is what happens inside each of us.  Call a truce, a cease-fire: show yourself charity.

An easy test for whether we are spiritually balanced is to see what disturbs our peace: disquiet and negative emotional reactions are a sign we have work to do.  For Christ urged, "Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid" (John 14:27).

Turning to God, we find a peace that does not depend upon the First Presidency, or Trump, our boss at work, or even our spouse.  This is the peace that Christ offers ― ("not as the world giveth, give I unto you") ― and it is found in healing ourselves through walking the Path that Jesus walked, hand-in-hand, which is to say, to find the Father within.

   I and my Father are one.

(John 10:30)

Yes, other people's actions and policies affect our lives, and we render under Caesar his coin ― but the difference is, being God-centered, seeing things through the heart of eternity, we sense and come to know: It is well.

That doesn't mean we get to kick back and retire to the Country Club (I refuse to be translated so long as Taco Bell continues making delicious Mexican Pizzas): there is yet a lot of work that needs doing.

Love is on the frontlines of ameliorating the harm and hurt we see all around.  That is why I continue to write, and blog, and pray: we will never give up on God (or each other).  Looking you squarely in the face, I say to you, "Don't give up on yourself."

​No matter our sorrow or present care, know we are seedlings that need only water and sun, love and hope.

We were planted on this earth to grow, to learn, to acquire knowledge and wisdom and evolve as eternal souls through experiences of all sorts.

The best spiritual practice I am aware of for developing heart-balance, to integrate our mind and body and spirit, is the soulful giving of thanksgiving to the Supreme Creator.  Not only for the big things, which are their own reward: but thanks to God for the normal stuff, the small things, the trials that bring tear-water to our cheeks ― for the greatest is the least, and the least is all.

Carla Rueckert said:  "Those who seek the truth are destined to follow a mystery, and much is gained by trusting that mystery, to trust the basic nature of the self, and to ask not to become something he is not, but rather to become that which he most truly is, for each of you has the pure and perfect light within."

​There is nothing so mysterious, and as magical, as following a desert Sun to new horizons.
 
   I will set in the desert
   the fir tree, and the pine,
   and the box tree together:

   That they may see,
   and know, and consider,
   and understand together,
   that the hand of the Lord
   hath done this, and
   the Holy One of Israel
   hath created it.

​(Isaiah 41:19-20)

I leave you with my love; while it may appear a paltry thing, held in your heart it shall burn more brightly, in the bosom of you who are desert-born, and grow into something everlasting.

[Below: a picture I took on my last night in Phoenix at sunset as I walked a desert trail]

"I Dreamed a Dream in Time Gone By"

   Life rarely travels
   as the crow flies―
         and therein lies
         the magic

When we were young, we sprinted towards our dreams.  Now?  The only time you'll see me sprinting is if there's a nearby Häagen-Dazs store (I am a sucker for a good waffle cone).

Youth was a time of seeking, striving, and uncovering life's secrets.  Now in middle-age, our dreams tend to limp along arthritically: they don’t feel nearly as passionate, so pressing, or mind-blowing.

Recently it occurred to me that my dreams have disappeared.  What happened to the guy who wanted to move mountains and turn rivers from their course?

Now I'm happy just watching Wheel of Fortune at night, hoping not to get heartburn after eating pizza for dinner.

What happened?  Where did our dreams go?  They didn't vanish, not all at once: but slowly, so we hardly sensed them slipping away.

Sure, we have lots on our plate.  We have high hopes for our health and our children and the cattle upon a thousand hills.  We go to the gym and do the weekly grocery shopping at Walmart.  We fix the leaky toilet and taxi our kids to their friends' houses.  We go to Church and take brownies to the PTA fundraiser.  We're busy!

But, you see, living is not the same as dreaming.

Life has a way of taking care of itself.  Dreams, though, fade if they are not courted and fed.

This is why, my friends, it is time to rekindle our dreams.

We need to remember how to dream, to really dream, like God does.

A Dream for Zion

   green ice
   a mirror ceiling
   (love grown cold)
¡ N O W ¡
   we swim
   to the roof
   of our faith

It's easy to get carried away with life and forget about the Great and Marvelous Work afoot.

The work of Zion is really quite simple: it is (1) becoming pure in heart, so (2) we may become of one heart and one mind.

But remember, this Work bridges both sides of the veil; becoming "one heart and one mind" does not only apply to us here, but also to those on the other side.  This work joins not only flesh and blood, but also spirit and bone.

You see, Zion is not just a utopian experiment or social order.  Rather, Zion embodies the essential conditions required for exaltation.  Exaltation has always been a group effort.

The spiritual investment required to pierce into the highest heavens requires a soul group working as one.  We often call this group a "family" (think: Abraham, Isaac and Jacob), but it is much more than just a nuclear family.

We've reduced the New and Everlasting Covenant to mean the marriage of two people getting sealed in the temple, but that's just a type and foreshadowing.  What the N&E Covenant is really about is the marriage of a people to God; this is the Path of ascension.

Lance Weaver explained:

"We all have to be unified in order to ascend to the higher heavens.  LDS scripture . . . make[s] it clear that we cannot be exalted in our fallen and divided state.  Only large cultural units which have learned to reconcile or atone all their differences ascend (as a group in a circle of harmony).

"Unity and oneness are the gateway to harvest into the complex systems of higher dimensional life."

(https://gatheredin.one/1677/the-only-true-church)

As eternal beings, we've come as far as we can on "our own."  Exaltation occurs when a Zion people is able to produce enough spiritual polarity (through loving one another) that the higher heavens open to receive them.  

The primary purpose of mortality is to generate this kind of stored spiritual potential, or power, that will propel us forward in our collective progression.

Until we achieve this potential, we can't escape the event horizon of the Terrestrial kingdom; in other words, we will remain "captive," or stuck, with the angels in eternity, unable to ascend (i.e., to become as) the Father.

​"A man is saved no faster than he gets knowledge, for if he does not get knowledge, he will be brought into captivity." (Joseph Smith, History of the Church, vol. 5:588.)

I interpret Joseph's words to mean there's a "captivity" that comes after the resurrection to those who find themselves enduring another telestial experience in the rinse-and-repeat cycle of the laundry machine we call 'the lake of fire and brimstone'; and also among the terrestrial angels who are unable or unwilling to let go of whatever is holding them to their current estate (see D&C 132:17).

​I bring this up to say, if our dreams are individual and personal, we shall find they can only take us so far.

Now, there's nothing wrong with dreaming for a trip to Hawaii or for a hip replacement or for your children to get good grades.

Neither is there anything wrong with seeking spiritual experiences or favors from God.  But on top of all that, there is a whole other dimension to dreaming that encompasses the entire human family.  So dream big!

Our future is being formed by our present dreams.

Four Imponderables

According to the Buddha Gautama, there are four subjects we should avoid.  Not because these topics are bad, but because they are "imponderable" ― meaning, they're so far beyond our comprehension, it would be useless to speculate on them.

Unfortunately, I find these "imponderables" quite fascinating!  Just my luck.  And this post hits on several of them.

​The four Acintita Sutta (unanswerable questions) are:

   1.  The scope of God's power
   2.  The power man may attain through enlightenment
   3.  The workings of Karma
   4.  Cosmogenesis, such as the origin and nature of the universe

Perhaps Gautama was right, for the role of a revelator is not to give us the answers, but to show us how to obtain them from God (which is one way of understanding "enlightenment").

I find it curious that in LDS circles, we speak about intelligence and gaining knowledge and the pursuit of truth, not realizing that all of these things are merely means toward divine enlightenment ― which the Easterners know quite a lot about ― yet we are oblivious to Eastern teachings.

The East has a lot to contribute to Zion.  I hold with Joseph Smith who proclaimed, "One of the grand fundamental principles of 'Mormonism' is to receive truth, let it come from whence it may." (HC 5:499).

Joseph Smith bridged the West with the Middle East (think of the Egyptian Papers); had he lived another 10 years, I wonder if he would have taken us even further, into India and Africa and Asia.  Personally, I should have loved to hear Joseph preach his signature-frontiersman-style version of the Eight Fold Path; or see how he interpreted the Koran with the deftness he used to translate the Bible.

These latter-days are intended to bring a spiritual cross-pollination to the peoples of earth.  No longer shall we be ruled by the xenophobic beliefs of past dispensations.  Zion shall serve as a bridge between all peoples, tongues, kindreds, and nations.

The human family is facing a time of sifting.  The earth shall be shaken and reel to-and-fro, so that the pure in heart from every land shall be united.

Nephi's great summation of Isaiah's prophetic arc is thus:

   And he gathereth his children
   from the four quarters
   of the earth

This is quite comprehensive: not just three-quarters, or half, or part of the earth: all of it!

   and he numbereth his sheep
   and they know him

This is difficult, maybe, to accept: God has sheep among every nationality and tribe and race; that He is the Father of all, even those whose beliefs do not match our own.  In order to build Zion, we must lay aside our prideful notions that we are the elites (rather than the elect) of God.

   and there shall be one fold
   and one shepherd

We do not rule and reign over this fold, for it is not our own.  The fact there is only One fold means that our current divisions and sects are not the same as It.

   and he shall feed his sheep

God will feed us more than just an American diet of Captain Crunch Berries and fried eggs and sausage links with hashbrowns (as if the gospel were served in a Denny's diner).

God shall set before us a feast of chilaquiles, congee and shakshuka; muesli and nasi goreng and changua.  We shall break our fast on bibimbap and moo ping, pho and jian bing, and "of wine and lees well refined" (D&C 58:8).

   and in him they shall find
   pasture.

(1 Ne. 22:25)

You see, the Lord's "pasture" has no private fields and fences; all are free to graze and roam thereon as equals, no keys required; stretching without borders toward the hem of God's garment, which has no end.

Zion and Freedom (Moksha)

   not loss
   alone
      but loss
      of self

​Moksha (Sanskrit: मोक्ष) is a term in Hinduism, Buddhism, and Jainism for being emancipated from samsara (the cycle of telestial death and rebirth, which literally means "running around in circles").  

The way we find freedom from samsara (what LDS members term 'exaltation') is through overcoming our ignorance.

These ideas and doctrines should be familiar to those who have grown up reading Joseph Smith's words, telling us "it is impossible for man to be saved in ignorance" (D&C 131:6).

Most souls are inextricably bound to the world.  "Few there be" that are able to find their way off the never-ending wheel of samsara.  We call it "hell." 

But why does the world have claim upon their souls?  How is it that Satan takes us captive?

Who can explain why the world is something that must be "overcome?"  Who, exactly (or what), are we overcoming?

Peter explained:

   For of whom a man
   is overcome,
   of the same is he brought
   in bondage.

(2 Pet. 2:19)

​I wish to suggest that we remain tethered to samsara ― repeating our lessons, unable to ascend further ― because of something the scriptures call "the demands of justice" (a unique term found only in the Book of Mormon).

I have struggled to understand the doctrine of divine justice.  Harmonizing God's attribute of love with His "justice" has not been easy for me.

​I am a bit like Corianton, and even though I have studied Alma's words for many years (see Alma 39-42), it was not until I began studying the companion books of Eastern religion that things finally fell into place.

Clark Burt’s insights into justice and mercy have also helped (see, for example, "Alma's Teachings on Mercy and Justice," July 31, 2022, fingerofgod.blogsot.com). ​

I have come to realize that justice lies at the heart of repentance, but not in the way most of us think.

You see, if our works "are evil, they shall be restored unto them for evil" (Alma 41:4).  But how?  How does the Lord restore evil unto evil, and good unto good?

Through justice.

Justice is the fulfillment of the Law of Restoration.  As we sow, so shall we reap.  This circle extends across lifetimes, worlds without end.

The way out of the cycle of re-embodiment in these lower heavens is through overcoming the world, which means, arriving at the point where the demands of justice can no longer hold us here.

   Heaven help us.

Justice OR Mercy

   searching ourselves
   for second opinions,
      for absolution,
      reaching home―
   finding home
   was not what we had thought

​Amulek tells us we need "safety" from the demands of justice.  This is quite telling.  The opposite of "safety" is 'at risk,' 'exposed,' 'vulnerable' and 'unprotected.'

Yikes!  Is justice so bad we need "armed" security?  Yes.
 
   And thus mercy can satisfy
   the demands of justice,
   and encircles them
   in the arms of safety.

Where is safety found?  Whose "arms" are these?  Jesus declared it to be "mine arm of mercy" (3 Nephi 9:14).

   While he that exercises
   no faith unto repentance
   is exposed to the whole law
   of the demands of justice.

(Alma 34:16)
 
Jacob compares the "power of justice" to a "lake of fire and brimstone" we cannot escape on our own (Jacob 6:10).

The good news, though, is the plan of mercy "appeases the demands of justice" (Alma 42:15).  "To appease" means "to pacify or placate by acceding to their demands." 

You see, mercy cannot rob justice; it may only appease it, or satisfy it.

Abinadi taught something profound when he said Christ stands "betwixt [us] and justice" (Mosiah 15:9).

(Of course, that means Christ is standing between our enemies and justice, too ― just in case you were waiting for their comeuppance.)

The Cambridge Dictionary defines "betwixt" as "between two positions, choices, or ideas; not really one thing or another."

Isaiah said "the Lord is a God of justice" (Isaiah 30:18).  So Christ is just, yet He stands betwixt us and justice.

Putting this all together, the law of mercy, then (which is just another name for the law of redemption), appears to be the harmonization of:

  - The law of Relationality
  - The law of Resonance
  - The law of Reciprocity
  - The law of Restoration

Now, if you put these four R-laws in a blender (and yes, I do like alliteration), what do we get?

We get knowledge.

Surprised?  Was that a curve ball?  Well, it shouldn't be because Isaiah told us!  In a single verse; look for the words "satisfy" and "knowledge" and "justify."

   He shall see
   the travail of his soul,
   and shall be satisfied;
   by his knowledge (!)
   shall my righteous servant
   justify many; for he
   shall bear their iniquities.

(Isaiah 53:11)

Mercy cannot rob justice because it isn't a short-cut.  Instead, mercy flows through, and around, and over justice.

You see, the only way for mercy to be just is when it is granted by One who possesses all knowledge.

​Building on this, let's discuss how it relates to Zion.

Lords of Karma

   small things form a wedge
   as sure as any mountain peak
      parting rainfall
​      flowing
   toward different
   seas

​​The Lord dreams of what we can become: He nurtures our growth and spiritual evolution as a Master Gardener.

He knew that our souls would be filled with weeds and worldliness.  And yet, He still gave us agency!

Agency is the primary driver of soul evolution.  But agency comes with a catch: with the power to choose comes the divine requirement that we experience the consequences of our choices, so we may be brought to knowledge.

Here in this life, behind a veil, we only experience one-half of the coin: the choosing and doing part.  But we don't really experience the effect of our choices (the butterfly effect).  In other words, we are ignorant.

Now this is very important, because we will ultimately experience the full-and-complete, multi-incarnational, consequences of our choices (whether good or bad).

Now, do you see the wisdom in this, in requiring all of us to experience the gamut of our actions as if they were done to ourselves?

To paraphrase Christ, "Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto yourselves" (Matt. 25:40).

You see, the demands of justice (what Easterners may characterize as Karma) are not a debt to be paid; nor are they a credit given to the faithful.  They are the irresistible (ineluctable) rope that connects and binds all of our past and future selves, forming a spiritual womb in which we become integrated with God as "one."

The demands of justice are thus educative, not punitive.  We may learn through experience (by knowledge of what our choices have wrought), or by repenting (mercy), which is, to receive the knowledge of God.

We will be judged by ourselves, as Alma implied (Alma 41:7).  And when we see justice in its totality, we shall be staring at the face of God.

What is ironic is that, in order to become like God ― having developed full self-responsibility and balance in our multi-dimensional Being ― we can’t do it alone.  For to see oneself, one must have a mirror.  We are each other's mirrors.  God is the greatest Mirror of all.
 
We are parts of a greater whole; and just as atoms form molecules, and molecules form matter, and so on, so does our divine House (or soul group) evolve as a family; we grow as a people.
 
The just law of restoration is intended to restore us to wholeness.
 
This work is supervised with meticulous care by the Gods.  You and I do not possess the wisdom for such things, not yet.

And so Christ came with a simple message: have faith in God, and love one another.

It amazes me how Christ taught next-to-nothing about the Four Imponderables.  Instead, He treated us like the little children we are.  He told us simply:

   Judge not.

(Luke 6:37)

   The same that judgeth rashly
   shall be judged rashly again;
   for according to his works
   shall his wages be; therefore,
   he that smiteth
   shall be smitten
   again, of the Lord.

(Mormon 8:19)

For now, all is held in abeyance by the merciful arms of Christ.

Blood and Sins of This Generation

   I want to love
   like the Nile
      overflowing its banks
      in summertime

Let’s say I spill my blood all over my mother’s floor, completely ruining her nice, expensive oriental rug. 

How do I make it right?  What does "restitution" look like?

The traditional theology says, "Well, Tim, you can scrub the bloody mess out and clean it (suffer for it), or you can repent and Christ will replace the rug with a nice new one."

Is this how Christ “satisfie[s] the demands of justice" (Mosiah 15:9)?

You see, the traditional atonement theory ignores the most important part of the equation: my mother!

Since the rug was hers, to appease justice is to satisfy her.

   1.  She may not care about the old rug and say, "Don’t worry about it."

   2.  She may want me to clean the rug, and dictate the manner of cleaning.

   3.  She may want me to pay her money instead so she can go to the store and select a replacement.

   4.  She may be happy with a new rug given to her by Christ (but please do not mistake me: I do not believe in a transactional theory of the atonement, in which Christ is a bank to pay our debts).

My point is, justice is not objective but subjective.  Justice is not fungible; the value of restitution is in the eye of the beholder.
 
Christ, then, becomes indispensable in such a convoluted mess.  Think of it!  He has to reconcile the entire human family with God, which is to say, with each other.

But wait: what if my mother has unreasonable demands?  At what point do the demands of justice become themselves unjust?

The eternal law of non-coercion (i.e., divine consent) is naturally self-selecting.  Those who desire to be cut-off shall be, until they come to understanding (i.e., knowledge).

Conclusion
 
In the Septuagint we find a fascinating dialogue with Job’s wife (unfortunately this part didn't make its way into the King James Version).

We always think of Job's suffering, but who ever wonders how all of his pain affected his poor wife?

Job's wife says to her suffering husband, "Thou sittest down to spend the nights in the open air among the corruption of worms, and I am a wanderer, and a servant from place to place, and house to house, waiting for the setting sun, that I may rest from my labours and my pains" (Job 2:9, Septuagint).

We have all been so busy worrying about our own sins, we have failed to notice that our spiritual standing is framed in a communal-context.

We have foolishly believed that we are cleansed from the blood and sins of this generation through our individual worthiness, when in fact, Jesus showed us the opposite by taking upon Himself the sins of all.

We would cut-bait and say, 'Sayonara' to the malefactors on either side, when Jesus stretched His arms towards them.

The devil's masterstroke was to get us to believe we were better than them, when in fact, we are them.

Let Zion dream!  Let Zion dream for mercy all the day long.

For, the New Song of Zion (D&C 84:99-102) concludes with this resounding chorus:

Glory, and honor, and power, and might,
Be ascribed to our God; for he is full of mercy,
Justice, grace and truth, and peace,
Forever and ever, Amen.

(D&C 84:102)

(Artwork in this post by German artist Franz Marc, 1880-1916)

Previously in the Approaching Zion series:

Childlike Consecration
Polygamy
Beauty and the Beast
The Doctrine of Christ
The Pure in Heart
One Heart and One Mind
A Refuge from the Storm
Go Ye Out of Babylon
The Seventh Seal
Watchmen and Waste Places
The Seven Heavens
The Kingdom of God on Earth
The Destiny of America
The Mystery of the Atonement
Walking with God

Enduring or Enjoying?

The Doctrine of Christ contains a provision that is often overlooked, getting little attention.  It is "enduring to the end."

How do you understand the doctrine of enduring to the end?  There are at least two aspects to it:

   (1) What does it mean to 'endure?'
   (2) What is the 'end' referring to?

Last night I was talking to my wife about the grin-and-bear-it mentality we often have when it comes to "enduring."  Must life be endured?  Why can't we "enjoy to the end?"

But in this post, I want to focus on the second aspect, "the end."

   If ye shall press forward,
   feasting upon the words of Christ,
   and endure to the end,
   behold, thus saith the Father:
   Ye shall have eternal life.

(2 Nephi 31:20)

Our mortal natures crave finality (which is ironic, seeing as we are endless beings).

Yes, Christ is the Omega and knows something about endings, but don't forget, He is also the Alpha (3 Ne. 9:18), the first.  And what's important to understand is that He is the Alpha and Omega simultaneously.

Whenever we think we have finally 'arrived' at the end of our journey, the mists on the horizon clear and we see the road goes on.  All endings begin anew.

No one has ever explained to me what the "end" really is.

Growing up, I just assumed it was death.  I thought if I remained 'true and faithful,' the Lord would call me up and say, "It is finished" (John 19:30).

But then what?  What will we be doing for the rest of eternity?

"Look unto me"

Jesus taught the Nephites:

   (1) I am the law and the light.
   (2) Look unto me,
   (3) and endure to the end,
   (4) and ye shall live;
   for unto him that endureth
   to the end will I give eternal life.

(3 Nephi 15:9)

In just one verse (just 33 words), Jesus taught us everything we need to know in order to be equipped to endure to the end.

By contrast, last year in 2024 I wrote 121,582 words on this blog ― and all of them could not compare to those 33 simple, wonderful words.

I confess it has taken many, many years for me to finally "look unto Christ."  For most of my life, I looked to the Brethren and to the Church Handbook for guidance.

My spiritual life was a bowling ball between the bumper lanes the Church carved out for me.

But that all changed on February 10, 2017, when, while driving to work on a Friday morning, heading to the courthouse for a day of prosecuting criminals, the eyes of my understanding grew a little wider.

By then I was well on my way in deconstructing my spiritual journey.  As I drove to work that morning, I pondered on the role of the Church and my place in it.

Now, there's something about my past I don't think I've shared before.  While in graduate school, in the Fall of 2003, I was hired to teach religion at BYU as an adjunct faculty member.  I was 24 years old.  I taught religion part-time at BYU for the next 13 years.

I never loved anything so much as I loved teaching.  But as I studied the scriptures and taught my classes, I came to know enough about the gospel to realize the Church was noncompliant with its scriptural mandates.

Surely it wasn't my place to set the Church in order.  Surely the Lord had other people, better-qualified, on His payroll for such things.  But I was troubled.

As I drove to work on February 10, 2017, I reflected on the fact that even though there is much error in the Church, there was also a lot of good.

Now I understand that this is a feature among all religions: God has seeded them with enough light that we can find Him, and with enough darkness that we can become Pharisees and Jihadists if we choose.

In other words, our religions are merely mirrors that allow us to grow into the kind of person we truly want to be, with enough ambiguity that we can feel as if we're following God either way (whether we are or not).

As I drove to work that morning, I pondered the words of Nephi about baptism being a gate.

   For the gate
   by which ye should enter
   is repentance
   and baptism by water.

(2 Nephi 31:17)

I guess I had never really thought of what a "gate" meant before, but as I drove the Spirit helped me to see the way gates are used, spiritually, and what their purpose is for.

They are meant to be passed through, not as obstacles to prevent passage but as openings to allow us to progress.  We do not squat down at the foot of the gate as if we've ended our journey.  They connect separate planes which cannot be crossed except through means of the gate.

Sure, I had entered the gate.  But where was I?  And where was I headed?  Where was the straight and narrow path taking me?  Or had I wandered into strange roads?

This was accompanied by a spiritual awakening in which the Lord revealed to me in a personal way that He was okay with the fact I was growing "beyond" the Church-gate I had been raised with (that is natural).  He filled me with peace (thank goodness I didn't crash into any cars while all this was happening).

I understood that in order to reach Him I would have to travel far beyond where the Church was, and what it taught ― that this journey had no bearing on whether I remained a member or not, for where He was leading me was not of this world.

And I received the earnest of the Spirit, that there lay before us things no Church can offer, that are received directly from God: ordinances and conversations and covenants we can find nowhere else.

After all, who exactly did Nephi hear saying:

   Yea, the words of my Beloved
   are true and faithful.
   He that endureth to the end,
   the same shall be saved.

​(2 Nephi 31:15)

When we pass beyond the Pearly Gates, it will not be because we display an ordinance record showing we were baptized at age eight: it will be because we have received the words of eternal life from the lips of the Father. 

And as I pondered and prodded this new understanding (obeying all traffic laws, I assure you), the following words came alive for me as they never had before, as if the secrets of the universe had been in my grasp all this time:

   I would that ye should
   come unto Christ,
   who is the Holy One of Israel,
   and partake of his salvation,
   and the power of his redemption.

   Yea, come unto him,
   and offer your whole souls
   as an offering unto him,
   and continue in fasting
   and praying,
   and endure to the end;
   and as the Lord liveth
   ye will be saved.

(Omni 1:26)

It was the rudest of awakenings, believe me, realizing I had "offered my whole soul" to the Church, thinking it had been to Christ ― when in fact, I had been trying to serve two masters all along.

Wanted: Wisdom

If God possesses all truth, what percentage do we have?
​
If Truth were an ocean stretching across multiple worlds, spanning all generations of time, how much of it do we know?  I think we hold, perhaps, a bare thimble-full of the oceans' water.

And yet with all of our limitations, we may somehow possess a "fulness of Christ?"  Herein is a mystery.

Lehi said:

   All things have been done
   in the wisdom of him
   who knoweth all things.

(2 Nephi 2:24)

You may have noticed I've been seeking wisdom lately, writing about it.  James did not say "if any of you lack knowledge, let him ask of God" (James 1:5) ― but he said, "If any of you lack wisdom."

And so I (who lack wisdom greatly) have been asking God to help me replace some of my foolishness with wisdom so I may better serve you, and Him.

The danger we face is ending up like those Paul warned us about:

   Ever learning, and never able
   to come to the knowledge
   of the truth.

(2 Tim. 3:7) 

Where is the end of knowledge?  Where is the beginning of wisdom?  What is the highest, greatest truth?

Because it is exhausting digging through all these layers of truth, trying to uncover the bedrock of Christ's sure foundation from the flimsy furniture IKEA-like churches peddle.

The sedimentary layers of truth I once sifted through and clung to, I have set aside to keep digging.

I am not content to know the social security number of God, His address and fax number: I want to know Him intimately, as a bride on her wedding night.

Is there any end to knowing?  Is there an end to truth, where all truth becomes circumscribed into one great whole?

Love Wisely

The thing I want most to learn is how to love wisely.

You know I am a loving person.  But I love like a fool, as most fools do.

I want to love like God.

I want to have the wisdom to serve others not in the way I think best, but in the manner that God may reach out and touch them.  For what use is making you a chicken enchilada casserole if you are lactose intolerant (see, The Parable of the Five Sons)?

Love means to serve, but service rendered without wisdom can be harmful.  Nothing is more harmful than forcing a foot into a glass slipper it is ill-suited for.

I do not wish to share my blanket with those who are cold if my blanket is diseased.  What good is a little warmth if it gives you smallpox?

How does this relate to "enduring to the end?"  Because how can we render Christlike service when we don't know how our actions will end up affecting others?

It is nice to be well-intended, but I want to prove a blessing to those I love, and not an inadvertent cursing.

But we are blind to the future; our knowledge of cause-and-effect is short-sighted.

God, however, possesses the wisdom we need.  He sees the end from the beginning.  So ask Him!

For me, the end does not exist but in the dream of what God envisions for me.  Each ending is unique; no two of us share quite the same one.

   [God] doeth not anything
   save it be for the benefit
   of the world;
   for He loveth the world.

(2 Nephi 26:24)

The Church, I think, is trying to help, but many of its policies and teachings prove detrimental to the faith.

When the Church tells us to "endure to the end," what they really mean is stay true to the Church.

But let's forget the sideshows and focus on the center stage, the middle ring, the main attraction: Christ.  There are many corseted-Christians who faint, and cannot withstand, the sight of Christ's bearded women and misshapen men, His menagerie of circus children who give glory to Him in all their weirdness.

Give me the crunch of spent peanut shells beneath my feet, and the smell of elephant dung, and dancing bears on tightropes and the wonder of flint-shoed horses parading in hats on their hind legs in the center ring of the Big Tent.

Oh, give me the crazy circus we call the Celestial world, in all its variety and diversity and lovingkindess, where dragons lay flame to kettle corn carried upon a summer's night breeze.

For, the Celestial kingdom is not what we have imagined it to be, which is more akin to hell than heaven: the straight-laced lapels and neckties against starched white shirts ― such things cannot compare to a collarbone left to breathe through an open robe (JS-H 1:31).

Breathe, children, and flee Babylon's rigged carnival games that lure us with the promise of priesthood-clad stuffed animals hanging in neat, tidy rows, as we fruitlessly spend our last coin trying to win a prize that was never meant to be.

Be free in Christ, in order to know the Father as only a "freak" (as the world sees us) can.  For the wisdom of God is foolishness in the world's eyes.

When the Church calls out from the pulpit and from their councils, "This far, and no further" ― press on!  Press on!  Don't stop!

Press forward with a steadfastness in Christ!  Have hope!  Let us love God more than we love their praise and acceptance.

Press forward and keep going, until we hear the Father say: "Little one, ye shall have eternal life."

The Fulness of the Gospel

The fulness of the gospel has no ending.  It is without beginning of days or end of years.

I often hear people say at Church that we have the "fulness of the gospel."

What does that mean?  I don't think it means what we think it does.

   Blessed are you for receiving
   mine everlasting covenant,
   even the fulness of my gospel.

(D&C 66:2)

This verse shows that the fulness of the gospel is not about knowing something, but about receiving something. 

While Joseph Smith liked using the term "fulness of the gospel" (see D&C 20:9; 76:14; 90:11; 45:12), interestingly, this phrase does not appear in the New Testament.

Instead, the New Testament focuses on the "fulness of Christ" (Eph. 4:13).

Is there a difference between the fulness of the gospel and the fulness of Christ?  Well, I suppose it depends on the connotation: what does each phrase conjure to your mind?

   For it pleased the Father
   that in him [Christ] should
   all fulness dwell.

(1 Col. 1:19)

When I hear "the fulness of the gospel," the thing that comes to mind is, "This is what the Church teaches it alone has."

Okay, that's revealing: it reflects, I think, some of my indoctrination.  It shows I have been conditioned to view the gospel and the Church as interchangeable, as synonyms.

The Father thought it no insult to His honor to allow "all fulness" to dwell in ― and be embodied within ― Christ.  But the Church, I'm afraid, is not the same as Christ.

It is quite jarring to wake up one day and realize that salvation is not found through the ordinances and covenants of the gospel (Church), but through receiving a fulness of the Father through Christ's in-dwelling of us.

Make Room for More

Christ does not "get in" us through the rituals of the Church (I mean, for heaven's sake, has anyone in the Correlation Department even read the Book of Hebrews?). 

There is no priest or prophet who mediates between us and our "great High Priest" (Heb. 4:14).

Why is this important?  Because the "good news" is that this fulness may dwell (abide) in us (because in the Melchizedek there are no meddling middle-managers, thankfully). 

   And of his fulness
   have all we received.

(John 1:16)

Here again we see that the gospel is not something we "live": it is something we "receive."  From whom?  The Church?  No, from God.

To be clear, priestly administrators and prophets are helpful insofar as they excite our minds and hearts toward God and His hidden ways, imparting the words of life.  And fellowship in a community of believers is an essential part of the Plan.  Communities need some way to organize cooperative action.

But the landscape of modern religion is riddled with wolves, who instead of helping us dig irrigation ditches by the sweat of their brow, will sell us water shares in the irrigation company for an inflated price.

I have never treated with sandbox bullies, and neither do I take kindly to spiritual leaders casting a shadow over my Lord and Savior.

Yet the priests and prophets of Babylon are adeptly trained in the cares of the world and in the deceitfulness of riches.  They devour the flock, concerned with building budgets and fiscal reports and tithing receipts (as opposed to the mysteries of God).

Mammon's priesthood delights in big business, for the Great Apostasy is nothing other than the industrialization and commodification of religion, mass-producing priestcraft.

The current desires of the Church are best seen in its universities, not its chapels.  The reason for this is because, if we want to see the Church's true colors, we simply need to look at where it exercises the greatest control.  And so we can look at the Church's employment policies and contracts to see what it truly lusts after.  And what do we find?  Control, secrecy, and unquestioning institutional loyalty.

If you want to take the pulse of the Church, do not bother with the exalted ideals we preach on Sundays.  No, it is during the workweek we see the pounding heartbeat of the Church laid bare upon the altar of Babylon in the stock markets and in the Ecclesiastical Clearance Office of BYU (Arthur Miller, who wrote about the Salem Witch Trials in The Crucible, must be turning over in his grave).

We find in the avatar of Elder Clark Gilbert (a figurehead for the Brethren who serves as the Commissioner of Church Education) something quite disturbing.

I apologize for being critical, for I loathe any negativity, but my heart is sick as I watch the Church make a mockery of God, saying its Universities must be true to its religious mission and the gospel of Jesus Christ, when in fact its Stalinesque policies show the opposite.

I am not ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ, but I am ashamed of a Church that claims to possess the fulness of the gospel while trampling over its just and holy principles.

I decry the rampant hypocrisy demonstrated by the Church seeking to cure the disease of secularism with a lethal dose of sectarianism.

Watching the fear-inspired practices coming from Headquarters, we may appropriately wonder, does the Church possess a fulness of the gospel?

   The show of their countenance
   doth witness against them;
   and they declare their sin
   as Sodom, they hide it not.
   Woe unto their soul!
   for they have rewarded evil
   unto themselves.

   For Jerusalem is ruined,
   and Judah is fallen:
   because their tongue
   and their doings
   are against the Lord.

(Isaiah 3:9, 8)

But it's okay.  Because regardless of whatever monkey business is going on with the Church, the fulness of the Father in-dwells Christ ― and us (D&C 76:29).

   Share the good news!

The End (or is it?)

Returning to that Friday in February 2017, after the morning session of Court was over and we had recessed for lunch, I drove nearby to Taco Bell.  My mind was still swimming, making associations and connections I had not thought of before.

With a bean burrito in one hand, I opened up the scriptures on my phone in the other.  I read the following words, which took on a whole new meaning for me (as if their hidden meaning had been veiled my whole life, until then):

   This is the way;
   and there is none other way
   nor name given under heaven
   whereby man can be saved
   in the kingdom of God.
   
   And now, behold,
   this is the doctrine of Christ,
   [that one and] only and true   
   doctrine of the Father,
   and of the Son,
   and of the Holy Ghost,
   which is[: there is] one God,
   WITHOUT END.

   Amen.

(2 Nephi 31:21)

How odd, I thought, that Nephi, having just been told to "endure to the end," learned that God has no ending.

And that is when something fell into place.  I realized the end was now, and never, and always.  God is one, as we are all one; and that all is one in God, and ever was and will be, that great I AM.

I must have looked dumbstruck, a chalupa dangling from my mouth.  I felt beyond words that there was nowhere I could go where God would not be with me, and there was nowhere I could hide where He would not find me.  He is the Shepherd, and therefore, we are all shepherds; He is the Lamb, and therefore, so are we all.

All that God is, He gives; all that we are, He takes ― even as much as we are willing to share in His fulness, and in the fulness of what we were meant to become, without end.

This free exchange of our natures is what allows us to indwell and become One.

   And I John saw that he received
   not of the fulness at the first,
   but received grace for grace.

   And thus was he called
   the Son of God, 
   because he received not
   of the fulness at the first.

   And he received all power,
   both in heaven and on earth,
   and the glory of the Father
   was with him,
   for he dwelt in him.

(D&C 93:12, 14, 17)

This is the Doctrine, and the fulness, of Christ. 

Noah's Wife
a poem

​― For my daughter-doves, Lilian and Elisabeth

   God spake unto Noah, saying,
   Go forth of the ark, thou and thy wife,
   and thy sons, and thy sons' wives.

     ― Genesis 8:15-16

Wife of Noah, Mother of Ham: what is your name?
 
   << I am known as There are floods known only to the heart of woman
   << I am known as The Ark of mankind is found in the wisdom of the womb
 
Woman, Noah gathered animals two of every kind: what do you gather?
 
   >> I gather seeds of every plant and flower and Tree: even the clover and dandelion know my name
   >> I preserve Eden's fruit from the flame
  
Woman, Noah obtained a covenant with God: what does the rainbow show you?
 
   << It shows me the weaving of the Apron of Seven Pockets
   << It shows me all arises from the rainbow-red blood of Bethlehem
 
Woman, Noah cursed your son for uncovering his nakedness: what cause have you to rejoice?

   ―And behold, the Woman shed forth tears as the rain upon the mountains, her weeping covering all the earth, and light shone through her tears, and in the cloud God set a bow, and she said:
 
   >> Because I am Ishta
   >> Because I AM The Bearer of the Iridescent Garment given to mother Eve made from the skin of Snakes

Be Careful What You Wish For

One day an angel appeared to a university professor who was in the middle of a college class.  The professor had served his students selflessly for many years.

"To reward your good deeds," the angel said, "God will grant you a boon.  You may have your choice of eternal riches, eternal wisdom, or eternal beauty."

Without hesitation, the humble professor replied, "Eternal wisdom."

"Very well," said the angel, who disappeared through the ceiling in a pillar of light.

The students in the classroom, having witnessed this remarkable scene, were speechless.  A student on the front row, seeing the professor illuminated by a faint halo, found his courage and said, "Professor, please, share with us some eternal wisdom."

The professor sighed and said, "I should have chosen eternal riches."
   ___

I love this joke because it reminds me of one of my favorite scriptures:

   Seek not for riches
   but for wisdom,
   and behold,
   the mysteries of God
   shall be unfolded unto you,
   and then shall you be made rich.
   Behold, he that hath
   eternal life
   is rich.

(D&C 6:7)

If we reverse-engineer this verse, we find that eternal life is not just living forever (we do that anyway), but living with the secrets of God laid bare.

Wisdom is knowing God's times and seasons, His words and workings, even His hidden Way of Holiness.

   It shall be called
   The Way of Holiness:
   the unclean shall not
   pass over it;
   fools shall not err therein.

(Isaiah 35:8)

Interestingly, Isaiah says the only people who shall walk the Way are "wayfaring men" and women (Isaiah 35:8).

"Wayfaring" means "a person traveling on foot."

You see, we cannot travel the Way in a chariot, or upon celestial steeds.  We cannot be carried on the coattails of our leaders or parents.  We must each walk the Way on foot.  Specifically, we must walk with God.

Would you like to know God's mysteries?  They come with a steep price.  Everyone talks about a devil's bargain, but rarely do we count the cost of the Cross. 

But it is worth it, for he who is wise is rich.

Faith is Mental

There are a million ways to mend a broken body.  But our spirits?  Our spirits have no bones, no blood.  How does one mend a broken heart?

The balm for a wounded soul is the word of God.  As healers, our craft is love.  Faith our medicine.

This is why I write on the topics I do (though there aren't many people who are interested in high spiritual philosophy).

Our churches attempt to serve up God without requiring too much mental effort.  As a consequence, we are left with superficial platitudes, boardroom priests, and parables of pickles (and don't forget slogans like, "Think celestial!").

I am drawn to those who are mindful and contemplative; I prefer a man who wrestles with angels over him that bows to them.

The sober faith we seek requires us to delve into the mysteries of God; this is a faith that is mental.

   When a man works by faith
   he works by mental exertion
   rather than physical force.

(Lectures on Faith 7:3)

Sure, most people want to know God.  But I have found that most of us aren't looking to have our world rocked.  No, we prefer a God who resembles our particular hopes and beliefs.

Few are prepared to encounter a God who does not fit their expectations.

Weeds vs. Wildflowers

​An uncultivated mind is easily swept into error (been there, done that).

To better comprehend God, our minds must "expand" (Alma 32:34).

But how do we increase in knowledge and, more importantly, in wisdom (Luke 2:52)?  How did Jesus?

Such things cannot be forced; God cannot force-feed us the truth.  He does not cram our heads to bursting.  No, He waits patiently until we hunger and thirst, until we ask.

But God's answers are constrained by our mental architecture; He speaks to the level of our comprehension.  If we wish for greater light and truth, our minds will have to be enlarged beyond their current shape.    

God waits until we approach Him with real intent, which is a hunger deep within our spiritual bellies that would feign call out for boiled shoe leather to sate its need.

There is no better tool in our spiritual belts for plying our minds than asking God (who giveth liberally).

But we must be wise, and prepared to be answered not only by God but by lesser gods who hear our calling, and respond.

I wish to discuss angels of all sorts.

Pray with me, "Lord, help us to understand the ministering of angels in a manner that increases our light and love, in order that we might not be deceived by spiritual beings beyond the veil ― no matter how well-intentioned they may be.  We thank You for spiritual guides, and wish only to be led to You.  Grant us wisdom of heart to sift the wheat from chaff.  Give us Manna to sustain our walk as we find our Way to You.  Amen."
​
Joseph Smith said:

"The things of God are of deep import; and time, and experience, and careful and ponderous and solemn thoughts can only find them out. Thy mind, O man! if thou wilt lead a soul unto salvation, must stretch as high as the utmost heavens, and search into and contemplate the darkest abyss, and the broad expanse of eternity—thou must commune with God."

(Letter from Joseph Smith and others to Edward Partridge and the Church, Mar. 20, 1839, Liberty Jail; History of the Church 3:295-296.)

Great and fathomless are the mysteries of God ― but the devil has mysteries of his own.

   Which is which?

Near Death Experiences

When it comes to spiritual matters, we usually end up finding what we seek.  There are many angels in the lower heavens who are all-too-eager to conform to our view of things.

The heavens are filled with Beings who cling to their earthly distortions and beliefs, who are not much more advanced than we are in their eternal progression.

This is why most of our spiritual experiences are subjective, shaped by our contact with those on the other side who share a familiar spirit.

Have you realized that most people who have Near Death Experiences ("NDE's") generally "see" in heaven what they were expecting to find?

Is it because, in the spirit realms, followers of Mohammad create an Islamic heaven; and Mormons create LDS-Jesus-heaven; and Jews are escorted into a suitably Jewish heaven?

​This explains, I think, why the lower heavens are filled with persons who remain bonded to lesser-beings, "some of John, and some of Moses, and some of Elias, and some of Esaias, and some of Isaiah, and some of Enoch" (D&C 76:100). 

Spiritual experiences emerge from a mix-and-mingle of our spirits and those from the "other side" ― who are often ancestral soul groups that constitute themselves there like we do here.

Nowhere is "confirmation bias" more prevalent than in the realm of the spirit; and so we find in the lower heavens just about anything we go looking for.

We can always find spirit guides who sympathize with our spiritual orientation.

"If [a man] does not get knowledge, he will be brought into captivity by some evil power in the other word, as evil spirits will have more knowledge, and consequently more power, than many men who are on the earth."

(Joseph Smith, History of the Church, vol. 4, p. 588.)

These lesser deities are all-to-happy to guide us (and I think many of them are actually trying to be helpful).

Always remember the mark (and the mark is not to commune with angels, but with God).

Joseph Smith fell victim himself to this principle at times.  Whenever you hear about an angel "with a drawn sword," it is a red flag.  For the holders of the higher priesthoods are not marshal; they do not exercise force and compulsory means at the end of a flaming bayonet. 

"[The] power & authority . . . holding the key of the power of endless life.― angels desire to look into it, but they have set up too many stakes."

(Discourse, 27 August 1843, as reported by Willard Richards)

This is why I have said that we should be the sort of person who, when an angel appears, asks to speak to their supervisor.

A Different Perspective on Aaronic Priesthood

Like Lehi, who was led into darkness by "a man dressed in a white robe" (1 Nephi 8:5), we have of necessity the need to develop a sober mind to discern true messengers from those who just want to fool around.

On May 15, 1829, Joseph Smith and Oliver Cowdery made contact with an angel who announced himself as John, the same that is called John the Baptist (and whose English was quite good), who said to them:

   I confer the Priesthood of Aaron,
   which holds the keys
   of the ministering of angels.

(D&C 13:1)

Right away this should give us pause; anything "Aaronic" must be held lightly, like a hot potato.

While we in LDS circles have created sophisticated priesthood theologies, and employ rhetoric that characterizes the Aaronic priesthood as "preparatory" (D&C 84:26) ― in my experience we rarely progress beyond the carnal commandments and outward ordinances thereof.

This is why I do not find it profitable to justify, defend, and rationalize the principles and practices of the Aaronic order.  It becomes a sideshow as people argue over whether cigarettes or cigars are better ― when both will give you lung cancer!

Remember, whatever station we're tuned in to, there is always a greater.  There even lies beyond the Celestial kingdom higher orders, so don't become attached (D&C 130:10).

Aaronic angelics fall short of the Melchizedek priesthood (resonance) we seek, which contains a higher spiritual vibration.

Aaronic angels bring judgment, stumbling blocks, condemnation, and "wrath" (see, D&C 84:27 and Jacob 4:14).

Joseph Smith taught:

"[The] Levitical which was never able to administer a Blessing but only to bind heavy burdens which neither they nor their fathers were able to bear."

(Discourse, 27 August 1843, as reported by Franklin D. Richards)

The lesser gods that fill the Aaronic orders of heaven (to use LDS lingo) may be well-intended, but nevertheless they can easily sidetrack us from our true destination: the Most High God.

Beware the fetters that Aaronic angels bring.  And the next time you're channeling a spiritual source that tells you to commit genocide against the Amorites, Canaanites, Perizzites, Hivites, and Jebusites ― well, I suggest you seek a second opinion.

Principalities and Powers and Thrones can only take us so far, and only through much bloodshed.  We must go beyond such things, and transcend such entities, to find the One True God.

It is no small task, to develop the spiritual faculties to discern between God and the pantheons of lesser Beings who populate the heavens.

Angels Among Us

But please don't misunderstand: God can work through angels.  He can work through beings at every level.  Even a telestial entity can speak celestial truth when inspired by the Holy Ghost (2 Nephi 32:3).

So an angel's status or office is not important.  We merely have to tell whether they speak the words of endless life, even "the peaceable things of immortal glory; the truth of all things; that which quickeneth all things" (Moses 6:61).

Now, it is important to realize that 99% of our communications with angels are not face-to-face.  Angels speak to us primarily by piggybacking on our thoughts and emotions.

Most of us are in contact with spiritual entities on a daily basis without even realizing it.

The best tool I have found to discern truth is love.  But not "love" as the world teaches.  I am talking about the love of God, which is balanced with wisdom.

In love, we may test whether the spiritual communication is imbued with God's grace and intelligence.  Does it edify (D&C 50:23)?

Does it stir the mind in new directions?  Does it fill us with wonder and hope?  Does it make us feel like we could move mountains, God willing?

Or instead, does the message come laced with subtle shadow?  Does it make us feel boxed-in?  Does it cause us to worry over the way we've set the silverware for dinner as if the king will scold us for not having the fork in the right position?

​Does it prey upon our fears?  Does it offer flattery?

Over the years I have observed that spiritual teachers receive inspiration from both negative and positive sources.  Always.  It has to be this way, for whenever the heavens open to us, so does hell.  There has to be equal opportunity to influence the person so that agency is honored.

What I find fascinating is that, over time, a spiritual teacher's voice (especially after they gain followers) generally tends toward the negative more and more, from light to shadow.

The reason for this, I think, is that once a person has been contacted by a positive entity, then negative entities come in the same guise as the positive being, pretending to be one-and-the-same.

In other words, whenever God has spoken, devils follow that attempt to clone His voice, but with small variations (usually implanting a bit of fear, a dash of negativity, a hint of flattery).

And then the prophet will assume they're still in contact with God, unaware of the bait-and-switch that has occurred.

   And the office of their ministry
   is to call men unto repentance,
   and to fulfil and to do the work
   of the covenants of the Father,
   which he hath made
   unto the children of men,
   to prepare the way
   among the children of men,
   by declaring the word of Christ.

(Moroni 7:31)

The key is to follow the "word of Christ," let it come from whence it may.  Anything that is not light-filled is not of Christ (D&C 84:45).

Everyone seems ready to detect the devil and his angels, not realizing that the greater danger is to take a lesser (Aaronic archetype) god for our guide, receiving revelation from ancestral angels or sources who are not conveying the word of Christ, but something lesser.

I share these things so that when someone says things like, "God told me," or "God showed me" ― that we will not be gullible.  Take such things for what they are: grains of sand on an endless shore.

There is always more.  The heavens are more diverse than we can imagine.

As Shakespeare said, "There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy."

This is why, when people dogmatically claim to know what heaven is like, I laugh (especially if the Sunday School lesson is on eternal marriage).

You and I shall dance in an endless field of wildflowers whilst they pull petals from a single sunflower.

Be believing.  May the mysteries of God unfold in our minds and hearts, so we may be rich in wisdom.

There is no greater mystery than that of God's love.

Therefore, let us be rich in His love.

Pinky Promise
​
   Do I contradict myself?
   Very well then I contradict myself,
   (I am large, I contain multitudes.)

  ​― Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass

Are you familiar with the concept of a "holarchy?"

A holarchy is a system composed of autonomous and intelligent individual "wholes" which combine to create the larger system.

But the interesting thing is these individual holons are not 'top to bottom' or 'bottom to top' (as in a hierarchy).  Instead, holons at one level are made up of the holons at another level.  In this way the holons are equal because they indwell each other.

Take your physical body and consider its constituent parts: "you" are composed of numerous systems, organs, cells, and processes that make up "you."  A single clock has many gears.

But you are also part of a larger ecosystem (think of your families and societies and spiritual systems).

In other words, each person is a "whole" that is comprised of smaller parts, while at the same time contributing to the workings of a greater system.

A pine tree has countless needles, and becomes itself a needle in a broader forest.

But are "you" your pinky?  Well, yes and no.  Your pinky is a part of you: if it hurts, you feel pained.  But you are much more than just a pinky!

This microcosm-macrocosm connection shows that all things are mirrors pointing towards the infinitesimal in one direction and towards infinitude in the other.

We look up and behold God.  We look down and behold God.  We look outside of ourselves and see God.  We look inside of ourselves and there He is.

   For there is no space
   in which there is no kingdom;
   and there is no kingdom
   in which there is no space.

(D&C 88:37)

We should understand that these kingdoms are not independent of one another, but are cascading mirrors on a spiritual scale. 

The "higher" kingdoms depend on the lower as much as the "lower" kingdoms require assistance from the higher.  There is balance in all things; these kingdoms interpenetrate and infuse one another.

God is everywhere, in all.  But while God is "above all things, and in all things, and is through all things, and is round about all things" (D&C 88:41), these "things" (here's the tricky part) are autonomous; they have agency!

Imagine if every cell in your body had a mind of its own.

  This is the mystery of God.

The Puzzling Aspects of God
​
​   And as to me, I know nothing else but miracles.

  ​― Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass

If there was only infinity, and nothing else, then there could not be infinity.  This is a paradox.

If infinity was all that existed, it would not be infinite because "infinity" can only be discerned against the backdrop of finitude.  A thing's opposite creates its mirror.  We are known through our reflection.

And so it is, with pleasure and pain, good and evil, light and darkness.  We call this "duality."

In a painting, the shades of color allow us to discern the objects on the canvass.  It is contrast that reveals the contours of a thing, as light silhouetting a shape.

Kingdoms are created as mirrors through which we see God in all His forms; it is through the contrast that we comprehend Him.

For who can gaze into infinity and see anything?  Infinity is incomprehensible; in its embrace all things lose individuality and uniqueness and identity; there is no "self" because there is nothing but infinity itself.

Therefore, an Infinite God can only be known to finite minds through His finite parts (and is the reason He remains hidden).

Thus we see God in a sunset, and in a baby's smile, and in the smell of cinnamon and baking bread; in the taste of lemon and peppermint; in the touch of a mother; and in the weeping of the leper and broken-hearted. 

   Unto what shall I liken
   these kingdoms,
   that ye may understand?

   Behold, all these
   are kingdoms,
   and any man who hath seen
   any or the least of these
   hath seen God.

(D&C 88:47)

Do not dismiss the face of God merely because it looks like our neighbor's.

The Danger of Plateaus

   This is thy hour O Soul, thy free flight into the wordless.

  ​― Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass

Now, let's stop thinking God is confined to the Celestial: for in God all of His kingdoms are reconciled as One.  (We need to think beyond our simplistic, hierarchical view of heaven).

The reason the Terrestrial and Telestial kingdoms do not receive the fulness of the Father is not because His presence is not fully manifest here (for it is): it is because our limited perception (spiritual awareness) is unable to comprehend Him, just as our eyes cannot perceive infrared and ultraviolet colors ― even though our eyeballs are inundated with them.

Now my point: the way we Know God is not by seeing Him; anything we "see" is simply a piece of Him, a finite Form.  The way we Know God is by enlarging our spiritual minds to comprehend Him.

We do not come to know a person by "seeing" them (do your coworkers who sit next to you at the office, and see you every day, really "know" who you are, your true self?).

Seeing has very little to do with "knowing" (and in fact, can become a stumbling block because our eyes can deceive us).

   He who came unto his own
   was not comprehended.
   The light shineth in darkness,
   and the darkness
   comprehendeth it not.

(D&C 88:48-49)

Our LDS culture is a bit obsessed with material manifestations of God (perhaps because we preach a fanciful version of the First Vision that has a bit of Hollywood mixed in).

Consider the following:

"Seeing or speaking to angels often has negative consequences, and this is why there are strict rules restricting their interaction with [us].

"One’s progress is markedly retarded once they 'see' angels or the 'face of the Lord' . . . because when we 'see' them . . . it is easy to get distracted [and stop progressing toward] higher and higher spheres."

(Lance Weaver, "Seeing the Face of God," Gathered in One, at https://gatheredin.one/3177/seeing-the-face-of-god)

I wonder how many times I've "received" a spiritual experience and thereafter stopped seeking, short of the mark (which mark is, of course, the Most High God).

A New Take on the Kingdoms of Glory

   Do anything, but let it produce joy
   Your very flesh shall be
   a great poem

  ​― Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass
​
The Celestial kingdom is here; it is now!  The Celestial kingdom is constituted and vibrant and alive and active; you don't need to wait to be resurrected to enter into it.

Time collapses in the gravity well of God's love, while space expands forever along His heart strings.

God is no more "seeable" in the next world, or in the higher kingdoms, than He is here-and-now.  We "see" God when the eyes of our understanding are opened.

   You shall see me
   and know that I AM―​
   not with the carnal
   neither natural mind,
   but with the spiritual.

(D&C 67:10)

With this understanding, we begin to appreciate the interconnectedness and interdependence of all things, at all levels.

The "higher" kingdoms emerge from, and depend upon, the "lower" ones (just as we rely on our knees to walk).  And in turn the higher kingdoms guide and direct the lower ones (telling the knees which way to go).

These kingdoms form one great whole; they are not at odds.  It is not a contest.  They are not separate as we suppose.  They are One: mirrors of the same Being, who is God, at different levels of comprehension.

No wonder God asks us to have "pure" hearts ― for how could we ever see Him in a mirror caked with mud?

The Moon Walk

   You must habit yourself to the dazzle of the light
   and of every moment of your life.

  ​― Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass

What's fascinating is that, as matter acquires sentience, the "higher" levels provide a framework for lower levels to develop and mature and grow, which in turn contributes to the evolution of the whole system.

This works in both positive and negative aspects, as Paul taught:

   And whether one member
   suffer, all the members
   suffer with it;
   or one member be honored,
   all the members
   rejoice with it.

(1 Cor. 12:26)

There is no glory God enjoys that we cannot share; and there is no pain we experience that does not move heaven.

The goal of God is to achieve a state of unity and harmony and integration at all levels of creation, which compose the body of Christ. 

We call this His "work" and His "glory" (Moses 1:39).  Simply stated, the work and the glory of God is to reconcile all of creation, all kingdoms, as "one."

We "walk with God" as we achieve harmony and balance between the lesser and greater parts (for if your knee is sore, you will not walk; if your head is asleep, your knees won't bend).

For did you think to "outgrow" the telestial?  We do not outgrow it as much as we increase to receive far more, and weightier, glories: but these are added upon the telestial.

Using the symbolism of D&C 76, just because we are alive in the light of the Sun (Celestial) does not diminish the beauty and wonder of the stars (Telestial); just because the stars do not exert a gravitational force upon the earth like the moon (Terrestrial) does not mean the stars are not able to provide light to those in darkness.

To "walk" with God is merely being "one" with Him, where you are, as you are.

Enoch showed us this in his anointing (remember "unction").  ​When he was 65 years old, he heard a voice from heaven saying:

   Enoch, my son . . .
   Behold my Spirit
   is upon you . . .
   thou shalt abide in me,
   and I in you;
   therefore walk with me.

(Moses 6:27, 34)

We are able to walk with God as a consequence of Him abiding in us, and us in Him.  Here, now.

This, then, explains how God can be "above" all things while also, at the same time, being "in" all things.

Since a picture is worth a thousand words, I have attempted a crude illustration of this principle, a spiritual holarchy, showing how we can be "in" God" even though He is greater than all.

Zion is the Pure in Heart?

   Not I, nor anyone else can travel that road for you.
   You must travel it by yourself.

  ​― Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass

I have decided Zion is here, now.  Among the pure in heart.

Zion is not the heritage of any earthly organization or church, for Zion is the heritage of the Lord ― and the promise of all who are pure in heart.

Purity of heart is the issue ― not any particular affiliation or identity.

   For this is Zion―
   THE PURE IN HEART.

(D&C 97:21)

Notice that Zion exists now, timelessly.  It is found in the lives of the pure in heart who stand in the presence of God, in whose eyes we see Him reflected.

What is the opposite of being "pure in heart?"  Well, that's what contrast is for: what does  "impurity of heart" look like?

I think we all know what physical impurity looks like (they taught us the signs in 9th Grade Health class).

The scriptures, though, are more concerned with our spiritual health.  Here is what they warn us spiritual sickness looks like:

   1. Channeling a spirit of fear; nurturing a negative mindset (in contrast to Jesus' optimism and hope)

   2. Wanting to exert authority and control over others (in contrast to Jesus' example of eschewing titles and being the least of all)

   3. Preaching principles of division; pointing the finger at 'wicked' groups; promoting separation and anger (in contrast to Jesus loving all people)

   4. Justifying inequality; believing the end justifies the means (in contrast to Jesus turning aside Satan's temptations on the Mount)

   5.  Rigid, fixed forms of thinking; extolling obedience to dogma and the commandments of men; subservience to hierarchical structures (in contrast to Jesus' example of pleasing His Father by choosing faith over Pharisaical rules)

   6. Seeking for riches; using our spiritual gifts and talents for gain; extorting tithing for temple tokens and covenants (in contrast to Jesus' example of poverty and sacrifice) 

Well, the prognosis isn't good: by every metric and measure, our churches have become impure ― or, to use Moroni's words:

   [Our] churches,
   yea, every one,
   have become polluted.

(Mormon 8:36)

But it's okay!  Let me explain why I remain cheerful, even as our churches have fallen into the embrace of Babylon, dancing a tango in the Cultural Hall, imbibing her punch ― even the wine poured out of the mouth of the Mother of Abominations, which is greed, corporatism, elitist hierarchies, inquisitional spirits, and meritocracies that mock the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Despite all that, we can proclaim from the rooftops, "Peace"; we need not be troubled.

Why?  Well, I used to think maybe, just maybe, God would right the sinking ship of religion; I hoped Jesus would send one mighty and strong and set things in order; I prayed for leaders like Captain Moroni who would raise a modern title of liberty in this kingdom of king men . . . .

But that's not how it works.  I was waiting so long for God to do something ― for God to fix things ― that I didn't realize that Christ had already fixed things.

While I was wringing my hands, waiting for external saviors to give us marching orders, I failed to see that the power of God unto salvation was already in me ― and it's in you!

I know now the truth:

   By faith,
   [we can] lay hold
   upon every good thing.

(Moroni 7:25)

I had become so programmed to hone in on keys and others' spiritual entitlements that I had allowed myself to become a slave, to be led away captive by the wiles of the devil.

But now Christ has liberated me from this error (don't worry, I have other issues I'm working on, it's a long list).

Because Christ has brought us "every good thing" (Moroni 7:22), we lack for nothing.  Well, except, perhaps, for faith to believe that in Him we "can do all things" (Phil. 4:13).

Let me assure you that everything we need, Christ has provided us already.  The power is within us, for God is in us.

Why do we look for someone else to tidy up this mess, when God has given us a broom and agency?

No more blame.  Let us take responsibility for our own walk with God.

   If we walk in the light,
   as He is in the light,
   we have fellowship
   one with another,
   and the blood
   of Jesus Christ his Son
   cleanseth us from all sin.

(1 John 1:7)

Remember, my friends, there is no such thing as "running" with God ― for He is in no hurry.  He has all the time in the universe.

Therefore, walk with Him.

[Artwork in this post by American painter Walter Launt Palmer, 1854 - 1932]

"The Christ that is to Be"

​​One of my favorite lines of poetry comes at the end of Alfred Lord Tennyson's New Year's poem, In Memoriam A.H.H. (Canto 106) (more commonly known as 'Ring Out, Wild Bells'):

  Ring out the darkness of the land,
  Ring in the Christ that is to be.

I find the last line to be deliciously provocative: who is this "Christ that is to be?"

We usually think of Christ in a historical setting, walking around Palestine ― a creature of physical spacetime (especially during this season, when we want to reach out and pinch the chubby baby cheeks of the little Child lying in a manger).

But for a moment, contemplate the Christ that SHALL BE (for context, see the post on "I AM").

We know the Lamb of Passover; but who is this Hanukkah Lamb?  What about this Witness who comes in wintertime (see John 10:22)?

Will we recognize the "Christ that is to be" ― or will we cling to our preconceived notions of what His coming will be like, as they did 2000 years ago in the springtime?

Wisdom is finding God in every season ― but especially "in times of winter, or of cold, or famine" (D&C 89:13).

Have you seen the world?  The world today is struggling through a terrible winter, a time of numbness where the hearts of men have "waxed cold" (Matt. 24:12).

Speak to me of the Shepherd of snow and ice, whose countenance burns like a winter's sun.

   He giveth snow like wool:
   he scattereth the hoarfrost
   
   Like ashes   
   he casteth forth his ice
   like morsels:
​
   Who can stand
   before his cold?

   He sendeth out his word
   and melteth them.

(Psalm 147:16-18)

Winter is the season for holly berries and rubies and blood. 

A Personal Note

Before we continue, I want to pause and share some personal reflections as we approach 5 years of Owl of the Desert.

I'm amazed at the patience of you who are with me on this journey.  My uncommonly long posts and style serve to filter out all but the most sincere seekers.

We are lepers serving at the Lord's table; we are the malnourished, the maimed and marred, the meek.  Yet Christ has made us whole (Luke 17:19).

The world prefers to be served by the buxom blond waitresses of modern religion, who serve a steady fare of chicken wings and whited sepulchers in cut-off tank tops.

You and I are not striving for sainthood but salthood (with a splash of pepper for good measure).  We are seasoning the earth with the savor of hope when the leaves have fallen and birds have flown south for winter.

The world needs the hope of Christ more than ever.

I call you Owls because owls are associated with wisdom, and that is what we're after: the wisdom of God (James 1:5).  Summer is a season for knowledge, but in winter comes wisdom.

Sadly, the world is not after wisdom.  But we are not of this world ― we spend our nights on the heavenly rooftops gazing over the horizon, pondering the deep things of God.  We are given to contemplation and compassion, as is our Father.
 
God is mindful of our growing parliament of Owls (that's what a group of owls is called).  I feel like God has gathered us ― and given His angels charge over us ― for a purpose.  I think it is to seek His lost lambs out of the byways and caves, out from the hidden places and poorest climes.  
 
Yes, winter can be a time of weariness.  There is a lot of weariness in the world right now.  Spiritual fatigue is spreading.  At times it is hard, even for me, to "not be weary." (Gal. 6:9).  But we've got this!

Paul said:

   I have a desire to depart,
   and to be with Christ,
   which is far better:
   Nevertheless to abide
   in the flesh is more needful.

(Phil. 1:23-24)

We are needed.  The world needs salinity, and we are as an ocean of God's love.  The ocean never freezes.

The Lord has work for us to do.  So while we yet "abide in the flesh," let's enjoy it!

We've got a body, let's use it.  Let's rub these calloused hands together and use our brains to bless and heal, lift and hug ― and most importantly, to dream better.

Winter is a season for bear rugs and dreaming.

The problems before us require more creativity ― more 'outside-the-box' thinking on our part ―  as the Lord bursts open the windows of heaven, thereby granting us increased access to the probability field of divine possibilities (which is what faith is for, i.e., generating vortices from which new options spiral to the surface).

Let us shake the dust out of our voices and sing the song of redeeming love; let us stretch our creaky spiritual limbs and dance!

If you were thinking of hanging up your tap shoes, forget it: God's got plans for you.

And don't think we'll be dancing alone, like no one is watching: for the angels' eyes are riveted on what we do next (Ezek. 10:12).

"What desirest thou?"
 
No one ever thanks God for being cast out of Eden, but I do.

Losing paradise was one of the best things to ever happen to us.  Why?  Because it created space for "desire" (and desire is a divine gift).

Have you ever thought, if we were 'perfected' beings who had all things, what would there be to desire?  If we possessed a fullness, what then would we lack?

Desire is a creature of want.  I am grateful to experience winter here, broken and bruised beyond Eden's borders, where we can long for what we do not have; search for what is forgotten; and reach towards what has been lost.

Leaving Eden was a godsend.
 
Like ice passing through a pillar of fire, transforming it into steam that reshapes as it rises, the movement of man and woman toward their desires generates enormous spiritual potential.

Usually we're very literal about our desires ("I want a new car" or "I want to be healed from cancer").

But what we're really "desiring" is not the object of our desire, but the nature of our existence.  Our desires are merely a reflection of our spiritual orientation.

The spiritual spectrum is a wave stretched between two polar opposites: love and fear.

Lehi called this "choosing" a choice between "liberty and eternal life through the great Mediator of all men" (what I am calling 'love') ― versus "captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil" (what I am calling 'fear') (2 Ne. 2:27).

Love is positively-polarized (charged) and fear is negatively-polarized.  Why does this matter?  Because people who say they "desire" God, but who seek Him through fear-based thought-forms and behaviors and beliefs, are actually "choosing" spiritual captivity.

Isn't it ironic that a person who loves is desiring God (even if they don't realize it) ― while a person who fears is hardening their heart against God (even if they don't realize it)?

   I fear not . . . 
   for perfect love
   casteth out all fear.

(Moroni 8:16)

Fear-based religion prevents us from knowing the true and living God because, well, "God is love" (1 John 4:8).

So I ask you, as the angel did Nephi: "What desirest thou" (1 Ne. 11:10)?

Take your time; there is no rush.  We have all eternity.

   And I looked and beheld
   the virgin again,
   bearing a child
   in her arms.

(1 Nephi 11:20)

Our return to Eden is marked only by a mother's love.

The Wave of God

There is an eternal wave proceeding forth from the bosom of God (D&C 88:12-13).

But what most people don't realize is that this wave is actually part of a divine tide: and the tide always flows back, and returns again, to God.

This is the hidden heartbeat of the universe.  You can sense it between the inhalation and exhalation of the Creator's breath.

Hearing the heartbeat of God is the beginning of wisdom.  His heartbeat resounds in the stillness of winter.

This tide is guided by the Lady of Light (symbolized by the moon), who oversees the ebb and flow of our growth and spiritual development.

Mortality is a form of swaddling clothes, but at some point we must put on Christ and become men. 

Too often we remain in the makeshift manger atop the tide, where the winds toss us to-and-fro, until we capsize.  This is called being "overcome" by the world.

I commonly observe people paddling furiously against the tide, thinking their futile efforts and spent strength will save them.

Christ's work is to "draw all men" unto the Father (John 12:32).  Trust the tide.  Flow with the water, whose current "will bring you up again out of the depths of the sea" (Ether 2:24).

Contrast the wave of God to the stagnation of waters upon a lake, even "a lake of fire and brimstone" (2 Ne. 9:19).

Why a lake?  Why not a river of fire?  A lake is like a reservoir; water channels into it, and there it stays.

Without the movement of living waters, a lake can become filled with toxic algae, turning into a cesspool filled with dead carp.  Don't be afraid to move with the water; the anchor of Christ (Ether 12:4) is in constant motion.

The problem with the state of modern religion is that, as Mormon said, it makes a "mockery" of God (yikes!) because, instead of trusting the hidden tide, we "put trust in dead works" (Moroni 8:23).

These "dead works" that we think are anchoring us are actually millstones.

Whereas the anchor of Christ is a living, breathing Stone.

Wisdom
a poem

​​I wished.
     Not on a falling star
     (when a blink
     shapes doubt
     of what was
     or might have been)―
Will you
     promise
not to tell?     
     Wishes are secrets
     we cannot
forsake―
     perjuries of disbelief
     never giving
     more than they take.
     Neither was it a happy-birthday-to-  
you wish, spent absently
     on clapping smiles.  Remember,
a wish stretched
     beyond two
     becomes something
new.  Fragile, maybe―
     but stronger, too. 
     Not a throw-a-ruby-in-a-well wish, either 
     ―No, this was a full-blooded
Earth Wish: with lips like fountains
     flowing toward mountain gates
     through hidden paths and pillars―
     understanding―
     heartsome―
     waterful―
     rising, flooding . . . . It  
awaits an answer (can makers
     become grantors?)―
My mother said
     wishes make little
children of us all.
     
       God, I wish
       I knew
       how to Wish
       like you.

Mother

The following words are found in Psalm 91, but I am going to change the pronouns to highlight a deeper reality, inspired by the Lord's words in Matt. 23:37 (who thought it no disrespect).

As you read these words, allow your mind to roam free; what comes to mind?  Who comes to mind?  What does your eye of faith see?

Then, I invite you to do something with the inspiration that comes.  Follow the wave; ride the tide.

Fear not the winter, neither the season we find ourselves in: for God is found in every snowflake and frozen tear.

   She shall cover you
   with her feathers,
   and under her wings
   you shall take refuge;
   her truth shall be
   your shield and buckler.

   You shall not be afraid
   of the terror by night . . . 
   for she shall give her angels
   charge over you.

   [And] in her hands
   she shall bear you up . . . 
   [and say], I will set him
   on high because he
   has known my name.

(Psalm 91:4-5, 11-12, 14)

If but for Eve, Eden would have become hell.

Sacrifice was the womb-price paid that joy might override paradise.

   O be wise,
   what can I say more?

(Jacob 6:12)

[Artwork in this post by French Impressionist Berthe Morisot, 1841 - 1895] 

The Name of God

As a young lawyer I practiced family law.  One day a man walked into my office looking for a divorce attorney.  He introduced himself and said his name was 'His Royal Majesty.'

I didn't believe him and asked for proof.  He produced a Court Order showing he had legally changed his name to H.R.M.

(So I have the distinction of being one of the few lawyers to divorce His Royal Majesty.)

Now, unless you have legally changed your name, you probably carry a name that was chosen for you (typically by your parents ― let's hope they had good taste).

I say "carry" a name because our names are like articles of clothing: they do not define us, but merely dress us.

Does your given name "fit?"  

My name means "to honor God."  But I have never thought of myself as a "Tim" or "Timothy."  Simple syllables don't begin to describe the essence of who we are.

Names are reflections of our identity, but they also have power to change our natures.  They serve as symbols.

Why am I talking about names?  Because I want to discuss the name of God.

Jesus said, "Whoso taketh upon him my name, and endureth to the end, the same shall be saved at the last day" (3 Ne. 27:6).

How do we "take upon" ourselves the name of God?  And do we even know what the Name of God is?

Divine names are not conferred but discovered.  These "new" names are sacred ― drawn from the wellspring of our essential selves.

These names aren't secret, but we're incapable of sharing them: for how does one possibly convey the breadth and depth of their whole soul in a word?  We can't.  (The closest we've come to capturing the name of God was when the Word was made flesh.)

A king can grant us a title (like Knight or Lady) but these merely describe our roles ― they do not describe who we really are.

Adam becomes Michael; Noah becomes Gabriel (and vice versa).  But such "names" are merely robes to be taken on and off.

​Sadly, too often we remain strangers even to ourselves, never knowing who we really are.  We cling to our given-names like amnesiacs.

But the good news is we can discover our hidden names through knowing our divine selves.

The Name of Christ

Christ has many names; He bears many crowns; His titles could fill enough books to cover the earth.

But Christ's real name?  That is one we have not heard.  No lips could do it justice.

When Christ returns, we are told He will have:

   a name written
   that no man knew
   but he himself.

(Rev. 19:12)

Meanwhile, as a placeholder, Christ's "name is called The Word of God" (Rev. 19:13).  Notice this is not His name, but His 'calling.'

When the name of God is written upon us ― which is to say, when we unlock the secret of our true nature ― then we, too, become the Word of God (and although many, this "Word" remains singular).

At some point in our progression our holy name becomes a portmanteau, blending with the name of God.  This exalted portmanteau is utterly unique throughout the universe, as divine strands of DNA that reconstitute us across space and time.

   I will write upon him
   my new name.

(Rev. 3:12)

This verse indicates our "new" name is not just our own, but God's.  In other words, the Ineffable Name becomes a type and shadow of the Godhood that dwells and abides in us.

"If men do not comprehend the character of God," said Joseph Smith, "they do not comprehend themselves" (TPJS, 343).

In case I am making a muck of my point, what I am trying to say is: This is life eternal!  "That they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou has sent" (John 17:3).

For how else would we "know" God but through knowing ourselves?  Then, like Jesus, we will:

   have manifested thy name.

(John 17:6)

To "have manifested His name" is to know God ― having His name written upon us ― for only those who know Him know His name (which has, in fact, become their own).

Now don't worry, we're going to break this down into digestible bits.

Let's look at what it means to "manifest" the name of God by seeing how Jesus did it.

The Burning Bush Speaks!

Moses hiked Sinai and was shaking in his sandals when God spoke to Him (telling him to remove his footwear, for starters). 

But Moses had to discard a lot more than just his sandals on Sinai's mount.  He had to discard his old notions and ideas in order to be taught a greater reality.

God's new wine will burst the bottles of our beliefs; His higher truths will shatter the foundations of our past knowing.

Once Moses found his courage to speak, he bravely asked God an inspired question (showing himself to be a true prince of Egypt):

   What is [thy] name?

(Exodus 3:13)

This was not just asking, "How would you like to be called?"  No, Moses was asking something far greater.

And God's response was deliciously perfect!  God replied to Moses's question simply:

   אֶהְיֶה אֲשֶׁר אֶהְיֶה‎

(Exodus 3:14)

In case you don't read Hebrew (neither do I), this means, transliterated, "Ehyeh Asher Ehyeh."  Or, being interpreted, "I am that I AM."
 
In other words, God was saying He was beyond naming.  There was no mortal nomenclature to capture His essence, other than simply, He IS.

   He IS above all things,
   and in all things,
   and IS through all things,
   and IS round about all things

(How can you be "above" all things if you are, in fact, "in" them?)

   and all things
   are by him
   and of him,
   even God,
   forever and ever.

(D&C 88:41)

According to scholars, Biblical Hebrew does not distinguish between grammatical tenses.

This is important because the statement "I am that I AM" may equally be translated as all of the following:
 
   (1)  I am who I WAS
   (2) I am who I SHALL BE
   (3)  I was who I AM
   (4)  I was who I WAS
   (5)  I was who I SHALL BE
   (6)  I shall be who I AM
   (7)  I shall be who I WAS
   (8)  I shall be who I SHALL BE
 
Take some time and ponder the implications of אֶהְיֶה אֲשֶׁר אֶהְיֶה!  God's name IS past and present and future: it IS, literally, "endlessness" and "eternal" (D&C 19:10).  He not only walks One Eternal Round, He IS One Eternal Round.

I think it is interesting that this nuance was picked up by Joseph Smith in D&C 68:6, where God says:

   I AM
   the son of the living God,
   that I WAS,
   that I AM,
   and that I AM TO COME.

The reason I am sharing all this is because the Name of God describes who we are, too.  God is trying to teach us something not just about who He is, but about who We are.

Jesus came to reveal God to man by revealing God in man.

Now to the heart of the matter: Specifically, Jesus made seven explicit "I AM" statements during His mortal ministry.

It was blasphemous for Jesus to declare "I AM" because He was saying He WAS/IS/SHALL BE God; the Pharisees wanted to stone Him for claiming such a thing.

But don't miss the mark: Jesus was declaring these things as the Son of God, and therefore, on behalf of all of us who become sons and daughters of God.

In other words, Jesus's seven "I AM" statements describe not just Him, but also our own nature.  ​All of us who have received the name of God, know that I AM.

The Tetragrammaton

The Tetragrammaton is the name of God in Hebrew, written as YHWH (the word Tetragrammaton is Greek and means 'four letters').  YHWH is vocalized as Jehovah.

As you know, there aren't numbers in Hebrew.  Instead, letters serve as numbers.

In Hebrew, the name "ADAM" and "YHWH" both share a numerical value of 45.  This is significant because it implies 45 = 45 (Adam = God and God = Adam).

Please don't misunderstand: this has nothing to do with Brigham Young's Adam-God Doctrine.  I am pointing out, simply, that "Adam" ― which means "man" in Hebrew, and is the name given to "the first man" on each world (Moses 1:34) ― represents all of us.

Now, to go a little further into the weeds, the name of God is masculine.  But Moses at times refers to God as a female using feminine pronouns (such as in Numbers 11:15 when Moses uses the word "At," which is the second person feminine singular form of "you") (the masculine form would have been "Atah").  (And if anyone knew the proper form of address for God, it would be Moses!)

Jesus appears to capture this nuance when He compared himself to a mother hen.

For God to be "in" all things, that would certainly include womankind (who are also "in" Him).

Therefore, gender semantics with God become somewhat absurd at the transcendent level where all of creation becomes of "one flesh."

A New Take on "Keys"

We pray in the name of Jesus Christ.  The Savior instructed His disciples that "if ye call upon the Father . . . in my name, the Father will hear you" (3 Ne. 27:9).

The name Jesus Christ is Greek and has been truncated from "Jesus the Christ" (which in Hebrew is Joshua the Messiah).

  -  The meaning of Jesus / Joshua = "Yeho" (a prefix that refers to the name of God (YHWH), and "Shua" meaning salvation).  So "Joshua" means God is Salvation.
 
  -  The meaning of Christ / Messiah = "Anointed One" 

One way to interpret the name of Jesus Christ, then, is "God's Salvation Comes Through His Anointed One."

That's referring to Christ, right?  Well, yes, but not just Him.  It also refers to us, too, who have been "anointed."

   But ye have an unction
   from the Holy One,
   and ye know
   all things.

(1 John 2:20)

Pause.  I want to talk about the meaning of "unction."

On October 19, 2024 I was pondering the question, "What are the 'words of eternal life' referred to in Moses 6:59?"

I had gone to the gym (yes, despite appearances I do try) and after my workout I was sitting in the sauna meditating by myself.

It was there, desiring to "enjoy the words of eternal life in this world" (Moses 6:59), that I asked the Lord to help me understand what this verse was talking about.

The thought came to me that to "enjoy" the words of eternal life, we must embody them.

The only way to really "know" what eternal life is, is to live it.  We must "become" the words of life ourselves.

In other words, we are meant to be that I AM (for are we not joint-heirs with Christ?).

As Clark Burt wrote, "By believing His words we will turn to Him because His words are Him" (emphasis in original; "But We Have the Book! That Same Spirit," December 1, 2024, at fingerofgod.blogspot.com).

The best way to describe what happened next, amidst the hot steam and sticky benches of the sauna, was my "eyes were opened and [my] understandings were enlightened, so as to see and understand the things of God" (D&C 76:12).

I understood that Jesus's "I AM" teachings were an invitation to join Him; they were keys of the kingdom, even those of Melchizedek ― that is to say, God's High Priests are to become the Keys of I AM.

These keys are not abstract notions but actual, embodied, fleshly Persons who unlock "the mysteries of the kingdom, even the key[s] of the knowledge of God" (D&C 84:19) for others (like Christ).

Christ gave us the keys of the Kingdom by being the Key.  And so may we be.

I heard the Spirit say, "To possess the words of eternal life is to bear the keys of I AM, even the unction of the Spirit." 

"Unction"

If you're wondering (as I was) what "unction" meant (I had no clue, sitting in the gym, where the Spirit pulled that from, other than it sounded faintly 'Catholic'), it means, "the anointing of someone as a symbol of investiture."

In the Old Testament we read about the unction of Elisha (as prophet) when God told Elijah:

   Elisha the son of Shaphat
   shalt thou anoint 
   to be prophet
   in thy room.

(1 Kings 19:16)

And the unction of Aaron (as priest) before the congregation:

   And Moses poured
   of the anointing oil
   upon Aaron’s head,
   and anointed him,
   to sanctify him.

(Lev. 8:12)

And the unction of David (as king) over the people of Israel:

   Then Samuel
   took the horn of oil,
   and anointed David
   in the midst of his brethren:
   and the Spirit of the Lord
   came upon David
   from that day forward.

(1 Sam. 16:13)

My point is that all of these unctions (of prophet, priest, and king) came together in Jesus.  And thus in us.

I left the sauna and dressed, returning to my car and, sitting in the parking lot, I pulled out my phone and searched for the word "unction" in the scriptures.

While I found many instances of "anoint," the word "unction" appears only once (in the First Epistle of John, Chapter 2).

   But whoso keepeth his word
   in him verily
   is the love of God
   perfected:

What is the connection between the "word" and the "love of God?"  
​
   hereby know we
   that we are in him.

Where are we?  We are in His body?  Really?

   But ye have an unction

i.e., an anointing; a messiahship; a christening.  What does this mean?

   from the Holy One

Who is this?

   and ye know all things.

We know "all things?"  How?

   Let that

Let what?
  
   therefore abide in you

What are we to let "abide" in us?  

   which ye have [had]
   from the beginning . . . 
   [and] ye shall continue
   in the Son and in the Father.

We're "in" the Son and Father?  And have been from the "beginning?"

   And this is the promise
   that he hath promised us:
  
God does not break His promises, does He?  Can we count on Him to keep His Word?  What has He "promised us?"

   even eternal life.

Now watch carefully this next verse, which brings it all together:

   The anointing
   which ye have received

When did we receive this anointing?  Before this world?

   of him

We did not anoint ourselves.

   abideth in you

Even now, today, our souls are filled with the unction of the Spirit so that:

   ye need not that any man
   should teach you

Wait, what?  Who shall teach us, then?

   but as the same anointing 
   teacheth you of all things,
   and is truth.

(1 John 2:5, 20, 24-25, 27)

You see, Jesus is the Truth; and that Truth is only found within ourselves.
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Is it any wonder that, when He shall appear, we shall be like Him (1 John 3:2)?

From the Cross

For the past six weeks I have pondered the "I AM" statements of Jesus, realizing that I must follow Him by embodying these words.

To refresh everyone's memory, the seven statements are:

   1.  I AM that bread of life (John 6:48) (referring to the manna from heaven).

   2.  I AM the door (John 10:9) (referring to the sheepfold).

   3.  I AM the true vine (John 15:1) (referring to the fruit and family of God).

   4.  I AM the good shepherd (John 10:11)

   5.  I AM the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:6)

   6.  I AM the resurrection and the life (John 11:25)

   7.  I AM the light of the world (John 8:12)

In my opinion there is no greater irony than the fact that Jesus ― who declared to the Samaritan woman at the well that whosoever would drink of the living water should never thirst (John 4:14) ― hung upon the cross and cried, "I thirst" (John 19:28).

Speaking of, there are (coincidentally) seven statements that Jesus made at Calvary during His crucifixion (which are mostly allusions to the Psalms; see in particular Psalm 22 and Psalm 31:5; notice the hyssop branch used to give Jesus sour wine (vinegar) and compare to Psalm 51:7). 

Each of us must learn the mystery of I AM from the source of all good and truth.

We must learn that we are saved not by Christ acting upon us, but by Christ acting through us.

I have attempted to turn the key; I have tried to open the Door of I AM as Jesus showed us, so you might see: but we must each walk through it.

I would note, simply, that as you ponder the seven I AM statements of Jesus along with the seven sayings of the Cross (which I have listed below), and apply them to Jesus, I would ask you to also (here's the fun part) apply them to yourself.

Become the Bread.
Be the Door.
Extend the True Vine.

   To him that overcometh
   will I give to eat
   of the hidden manna,
   and give him a white stone,
   and in the stone 
   a new name written,
   which no man knoweth
   saving he that receiveth it.

(Rev. 2:17)

I share my love with each of you, in the bonds of everlasting brotherhood, and say, as our Savior:

​   "I thirst."