Those ignorant slobs
such a pity
(not that I wish to fat-shame anyone)
but when they go around saying
   What is kale?
with their terrible skin ―
lepers who can’t be bothered 
to Botox ―
can I help it?
 
Lord look at me
dressed in compression shorts
restricting carbs and shewbread
(I intermittently fast twice a week)

God
why didn’t you make them thin
like me?
All this work working out to look so good

     the sweating and running and hydrating
     and waxing and plucking and rinsing
     and powdering and shaving and clipping
     and brushing and moisturizing and cinching
     and whitening and wearing
my righteousness―
 
     Oh well
you’re busy
shaping clay or what not
so I’ll be crunching my
   love handles away
on this exercise machine.
 
You will see me one day and say
 
   What a waist